EON’s inexplicable ad campaign featuring photographic poses reminiscent of pharmaceutical, psychiatric, and beauty care flyers.
Ad Nauseum!
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Bohemian Travesty
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Is EON grooming Rami Malek to play Howard the Duck in an Oscar bait biopic about the titular mallard?! In the recent press junket (emphasis junk) the cast for the as yet unnamed Bond 25 was confirmed. I wonder why not just stick with “Bond 25” as the title? It has just as much…
The Plot Thickens?
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Daniel Craig appearing in EON’s bizarre suicide prevention/pharmaceutical advert promotional campaign. This is the official synopsis of the forthcoming Bond 25: “Bond has left active service and is enjoying a tranquil life in Jamaica. His peace is short-lived when his old friend Felix Leiter from the CIA turns up asking for help.…
SHATTERCLIPSE: Apropos of Nothing
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A copy of the Bond 25 script acquired at high cost of lives and money for you the reader! Dateline, April 25, 2019, EON Productions interrupts your busy day to hold a press conference for Bond 25 in order to inform you nothing is happening! Yes you read that right EON’s coterie of…
Connery and Craig A Tale of Two Uncouth Actors
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Previously I wrote about two different love scenes, one from Goldfinger and the other from SPECTRE. I thought this time I would take a look at the two actors in those scenes, because on the surface they appear quite similar. They both came from humble roots, Connery from the rough and tumble streets of Edinburgh,…
A Horse by Committee
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The old saying goes, a camel is a horse designed by committee. Another saying is, too many cooks spoil the broth; well it seems EON has brought in another cook to work on the chaos soup that is Bond 25. That chef’s name is Phoebe Waller-Bridge; apparently Ms. Bridge was brought in at Craig’s insistence.…
The Spy Who Loved Her (whether she liked it or not)
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Connery’s Bond has been accused in the past of being a bit “rapey”, most point to his seduction of Honor Blackman’s Pussy Galore in Goldfinger as the ultimate example. Let’s take a look at that scene and compare it to another more contemporary love scene. After Bond is found under Goldfinger’s model, the nefarious bullion…
Writing on the Wall (or should it be Scribbling on the Stall), also Bourne Again and Again and Again
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Scribbling on the Stall: Apparently Paul Haggis is back to help pen this masterpiece alongside the dynamic hack duo of Purvis and Wade with the aforementioned Mr. Burns. You might recognize Mr. Haggis’ name from the highly over rated Casino Royale where he punched up P and W’s ham handed adaptation of Fleming’s last remaining…
Daniel Craig: Worst Spy Ever
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Since I spoke on the Craig villains last rant I thought I’d flip to the other side of the coin and talk about the man himself. In the old days Bond always won in the end… that is until Craig came along. Now some may see that as “gritty realism” or “vulnerability” in Craig’s character,…
Criminally Bad Villains
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My last rant concerned some of the schemes devised by villains in the series and the rise of independent megalomaniacs due to EON’s historic reluctance to get political. This time around I’d like to look at some of the villains themselves, specifically the last four to have soiled our screens. I’m not going to…
Without Russia From Love
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As we await the run up to the pre-production of Bond 25, I thought we could take a look back to a statement made by Michael G. Wilson’s son Greg concerning the direction of the series. The younger Wilson said after the release of SPECTRE: “We’ve just begun to doodle with ideas for the…
Austin Powers Shagged Us!
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The title to this rant is a reference to something Craig said a while ago concerning the darker direction his films took compared to his predecessors. Of course Craig’s quote was far cruder, containing his obligatory F-bomb, but what else would you expect from a man who looks like a longshoreman? His implication is…
Brosnan’s Royale?
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After re-reading Casino Royale recently I wondered what if Brosnan had been given Fleming’s final unfilmed property as his swan song, instead of the overly bloated Die Another day. Or at the very least had they put that property in their pocket and waited until Craig had established a few missions under his belt…
Barbara Takes A Stand
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The “woke” militias of the Hollywood Illuminati have been beating the battle drums for a female Bond more and more recently. Even British Prime Minister Theresa May waded in to the fray to demand a lady Bond. Well, I’m happy to say Barbara Broccoli has finally put all this nonsense to bed by…
Cash King Craig
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I’ve seen many a pundit point to the box office take of Craig’s films as evidence of his greatness in the role. Far too many of whom thrust forward the unadjusted figures proclaiming him the “Highest Grossing Bond of all time and therefore the best!” And that statement is true; in that Craig is…
Will James Bond Return?
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From the first time cinematic Bond stepped off the silver screen in Dr. No right up to today the phrase “James Bond Will Return” appeared at the close of the ending credits. However, now thanks to the latest internet rumors that slogan could be in jeopardy. According to the internet Barbara Broccoli, Daniel Craig…
Same as It Ever Was
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And so it begins, or should I say doesn’t. Once more EON has begun rumblings of the great progress they’re making in the lead up to principle photography. Only history has shown what a great pile of bollocks those statements have been. Every film from Quantum of Solace right up through Spectre we were…
#EtTu, Bond?
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Recently the question has been asked how will Bond navigate the new #metoo era, the answer should be, in the same way he navigated every other social change, by being a constant in an ever changing world of upheaval. When the hippies hit the scene in the late sixties did Connery’s Bond don a…
Fans of Mediocrity Rejoice!
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Well its official Daniel Craig has slashed his wrists, at least metaphorically speaking. Craig claims he “changed his mind” concerning his return to Bond. Not true, everyone forgets the entire quote. Craig said, “Now? I’d rather break this glass and slash my wrists… If I did another Bond movie, it would only be for…
Rotten Craigs or Time For Craig To Make A Jailbreak?!
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Despite whatever your feeling for Daniel Craig may be, unless you are one of his’s most rabid fans, you have to feel he’s gone past his expiration date, there is a palpable feeling that most fans have moved on. It would be absolutely foolish for EON to bring him back now. Here are a few…
