Therapist Rides Again!

Never waste an opportunity to over torture a concept!

If you’ll recall last September (and I know to do, as you all study each and every one of these articles right?) No, Time To Die director Cary Joji Fukunaga had something to say about the classic Bond films during his press tour in the lead up to his film’s premier. To wit:

“Is it Thunderball or Goldfinger where basically Sean Connery’s character rapes a woman?” said Fukunaga. “She’s like ‘No, no, no,’ and he’s like, ‘Yes, yes, yes.’ That wouldn’t fly today.” 

No sooner had he said this, a woman came forward to assert Mr. Funkycoldmadena pestered her to do a nude scene against her will. The Irony was delicious, now it seems some more of Funknwagnnalls shenanigans are coming to light! Seems old Funkyjunk likes to use his influence in Hollywood on young women and even tried to coax a pair of twins into a threesome stating; “incest is fine if all parties are okay with it.” So the man who condemned a woman flirtatiously saying, “Ohhh no” to Bond in a work of fiction back in 1965, was in the world of reality trying to instigate an incestuous menage-a-trois in 2021?! Wow, who’da thought a self professed “soft boy” and “male feminist” would turn out to be a predator?!

“Welcome to my garden ladies, you can trust me I’m an ally, I won’t bite…Hard.”

One of the more interesting accusations being the Funkster used the promise of an advanced screening of No, Time To Die to lure young women back to his place! I can’t imagine which is worse, excitedly believing you’ll be getting a sneak peek at a Bond film, but instead having to sit through that steaming pile of celluloid, or the inevitable molestation to follow?

“Would you like to come back to my place and see my etchings?”

After getting rebuffed by the girls he offered them the illegal psychotropic narcotics LSD and MDMA, aka acid and the “date rape drug.” Which I’m sure had they accepted and ingested would not have lead to any untoward sexual behavior on the Funkmeister’s part!

“Oh, no, these aren’t opium poppies, just have a sniff, yessss, breath in that heavenly aroma, mmmuhahaha!

Typical Hollywood though, everyone knew all about this crumb’s behavior and stood mute, not until a few brave women came forward and rendered it safe to do so does the dogpile begin. Take this chap for example, one Nick Cuse, apparently Carebear’s ghostwriter, who had this to say:

“Never mind all that sexual misconduct and intellectual theft, he left his fingernails in someone’s car!”

So Funkenstein likes to steal the work of others? Well, welcome to Hollywood my friend! Where the only reason something belongs to somebody is the fact they put their name on it first. According to the boys over at MI6-HQ, Cuse is credited as a “consultant” on No, Time To Die, while Funks got a writing credit, the first time a director has done so on a Bond film. Cuse old boy, if Fukunaga put his name on the work you did on No, Time To Die I’d say he did you a favor, slowly back away and pretend you never heard of that film.

“No Time To Die? Never heard of it.”

At the end of that MI6 article you’ll find:

“Where this leaves EON’s relationship with Fukunaga is unclear. Prior to the allegations being made public, producers stated they were more than happy to work with him again in the future.”

Well I’m sure they’re done with him now that his malfeasance has hit the airwaves, funny how it wasn’t a problem before however. They were “more than happy to work with him again” despite knowing full well what this guy was all about! Oh, they didn’t know? Bullshit! He took these girls to work with him in London! Hell, he probably introduced them to aunty Babbzy while he was at it. There are very few secrets in Hollywood, we just aren’t in the loop.

“Did you hear So-and-so’s a pervert? Yeah, but he’s a damn fine mediocre director!”

  11 comments for “Therapist Rides Again!

  1. Hi DB, those rumours about Fukunaga sound very unsavoury. I just hope he won’t be directing another Bond movie in the future. Come to think of it, it would be good if they make a clean sweep of it – new actor, new director, new writers. Having new producers would also be great but that might be asking for too much. 😉

    • Hey Gareth, yes absolutely EON need to wipe the slate clean with the next Bond. First to go should be Pervis and Wade, these two have comfortably settled into their mediocrity and just repeat the same story beats in every film they write. Above all however, EON need to find people who actually love Bond not bring in some dope out to make a big paycheck, like our friend in the article above. People like him and Christoph Waltz, Javier Bardem etc. who slag off the series while promoting their own entry into it need to be kept far, far away.

  2. Christophe Waltz, Javier Bardem, Remi Malik these are the top notch actors that helped bring the series to high artistic levels. With Daniel Craig’s leadership, the series is now sophisticated. This is another boring article trashing a super artsy director. Those are just allegations we haven’t heard Fukunaga’s side of the story. I saw your other articles they’re all the same just endless denouncement with no objectivity. You just don’t know how to read into Daniel Craig bond films. That’s called ignorance and there’s no excuse for ignorance.

    • Hello Holden and welcome to the conversation. You say under Craig’s expert tutelage the series is “now sophisticated” and has reached “high artistic levels.” I’m curious, did you believe the series was artless, unsophisticated and without entertainment value before Mr. Craig?
      Saying these are “just allegations” makes me question whether you trivialize the victimization of women, I also wonder if you condone such behavior, at lease when it comes to “super artsy directors?” Surely, you are not one of those types? If so, and there’s “no excuse for ignorance,” I’m interested in hearing what yours is.

      • the series was in hell before Craig, it was not at all artistic, just full of corny humor and cartoon characters, and Bond was not deep like the way Craig plays the role. The Craig films feel like sophisticated European art films. You gotta like that style or you won’t get it.
        I don’t trivialize victimization of women or condone such behavior. RIght now they are allegations because it hasn’t been settled in court with a legal outcome of any kind. I don’t like what Fukunaga did if true. But the allegations, as I understand them, are all about grooming these women. Those women agreed to be with him. That’s my understanding. He treated them like garbage but they chose to be with him. One of those women was like 18 when she met Fukunaga. If that’s true, that’s not grooming. She’s 18, an adult. You can’t groom an adult. You can only groom a child. what he did was seduction. It’s horrible how he did it but that’s it. Then the other allegation is that Fukunaga, tried to get adult twin sisters to get it on with him. When he realized he was going nowhere with them, he moved on. These were adult women who initially took up his offer. He did not force them. I would debate you in your forum but I saw what you do to others that are fans of Craig. You ganged up on that one poster, called him a troll and a liar and trashed his reputation. No thanks. I’m better than you.

        • So by your own words, you are not a Bond fan, you condone scumbags who treat women much younger than themselves as disposable playthings and your self esteem is so low you need to declare your “superiority.” I rest my case.

          • LOL! Bless your heart! You’re putting words in my mouth or you read poorly. I said I don’t condone what Fukunaga did. It’s near the top of my post. I’m only a Bond fan of the Craig movies. Nothing wrong with that. I know fans that hate the Roger Moore Bond. Looks like that is your M.O. attacking like that. I mentioned the poster you bullied in your forum so now you are doing it here to me. That’s why I’m better than you. I don’t do that. Hey I know top posters at the big Bond forums. I can tell you they are laughing at you. I rest my case.

          • Direct from Mr. Holden’s own mouth, exhibits A, B and C, case closed the defense rests.

  3. Holden, you can disagree but to claim superiority of opinion betrays your position. Bond is not suppose to be European art or whatever. Bond never took itself so seriously ( like you do of yourself) that it alienated fans. The character that Connery and Terrence Young created gave Bond wit that made him accessible to the unwashed masses that you seem to disdain. Craig was an awful Bond who killed him off out of spite bx no one will ever play him as “deep” as himself.

  4. “I’m better than you”
    Really?
    Sounds a bit fascist to me. Or something an eight year old would come up with in a playground argument.
    Found yet another username I see…

  5. I agree, Jason, that the Bond movies have never, until recently, aimed to be European art movies and taken themselves super seriously. They never aimed to win BAFTAs, just to provide audiences with fun, escapist, exciting movies. Maybe that’s why the series has lasted for decades. They were always classy but never they never traditionally had those arty pretensions.

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