The Unbearable Lightness Of “Being James Bond”

In October of last year the following documentary was unleashed to coincide with No, Time To Die’s release. Through all the slavish, sycophantic, undercarriage kissing, Danny Craig subtlety bemoans his good fortune at landing one of the most lucrative and high profile acting gigs in Hollywood. I don’t recall any anthology of Brosnan’s tenure once…

Daniel Craig Rides Off Into The Sunset

Obviously I “Photoshoped” the face of this famous picture of Russian dictator Vlad Putin, but did I replace it with the face of Daniel Craig or another picture of the 21st century Stalin? I’ll never tell!    Daniel Craig has just mounted his latest atomic bomb and ridden it off into the sunset: “Yippy kai…

Therapist Rides Again!

Never waste an opportunity to over torture a concept! If you’ll recall last September (and I know to do, as you all study each and every one of these articles right?) No, Time To Die director Cary Joji Fukunaga had something to say about the classic Bond films during his press tour in the lead…

No Time To Digest Part 13: No, Time To Die!

It’s all come down to this folks, the rest of this film and all my commentary to this point has only been a warm up to this scene! Of course I am referring to the death of “James Bond,” but we’ll cross that bridge in a moment, first the Craig-Bond and his 27th one true…

No Time To Digest: Part 11: Norway to Raise a Child

Welcome back, I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas, Festive Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa and are off to a happy start to the New Year! Cuz I’m about to spoil all that by digging back in to this dumpster fire. “Mother, thank you for dragging me across Europe and hiding me in the closet every time…

No Time To Digest: Part 10, Psycho-Therapy

“Zo Mister Craig, show me on ze doll vhere ze bad producer touched you.” No, no, no, not therapy for psychos, I’m talking about therapy by psychos! Both Satin Safin and Bro-feld probe the mental faculties of their conversation partners! Hannibal SPECTRE Let’s see, where were we, last time we witnessed the Craig-Bond, Moneypenny and the…

No Time To Digest: Part 9, The Livid Daylights

“Leave me out of this Shit show!” The last scene inferred the Craig-Bond had been rescued by a passing cargo ship, no doubt on it’s way to anchor indefinitely outside one of America’s ports.  “We’ll get these products to market someday!” Smash cut to a darkened interior where we can vaguely make out the ceramic…

No Time To Digest: Part 8, A Titanic Disappointment

Excerpt from TripAdvisor 1912: “I wish I could give zero stars! Ship was late to New York, too much ice in drinks and air conditioning was way too cold! Epic fail!”   The Craig-Bond and Dr. Borat are now airborne winging their way to a rendezvous with Felix, when Dr. Borat says in his native dialect,…

No Time To Digest: Part 7, Cuban Miscue Crisis

This sequence is perhaps the most bizarre out of the entire film, not because it’s any worse or poorly made than any of the others, but because it sticks out like a sore thumb. It has moments that feel more at home in a Roger Moore romp than this deathly serious Craig dirge. It’s quite…