If anybody was excited to see this film, that’s been rectified!
Last rant, I discussed Lashana Lynch’s comments regarding her desire to include a scene wherein she disposes of a tampon. I still believe this to be a troll by the actress, however the longer it goes uncorrected the more damage is done.
EON needs to set the record straight quick if they don’t want to lose complete control of the narrative regarding their ₤200 million movie. They say the only bad publicity is no publicity, but I beg to differ in this case. The more they let this go, the more this will be known as the film in which lady 007 dispenses tampons!
This film’s public perception in a nutshell
Apparently fan reaction to the news that Lynch would be borrowing Bond’s 007 code number in this film has EON reeling. So much so, according to this article, it appears they may be rethinking that bit of stunt writing.
However, plans for her to become the first black, female 007 – taking over the codename from Craig’s Bond after he retires – could be scrapped after a social-media backlash. Sources say she is now likely to get another agent number, 001.
If only they had taken the hint when the idea of Bro-feld had been panned on the net, that was far more damaging to cannon than “007” getting appropriated for an hour or so by another agent.
Come on Bro!
I can’t help but wonder if Lynch’s code number reassignment has more to do with copyright than fan displeasure. More on that in the next rant!
I can tell the excitement is palpable!
Another bit of info discovered since last I wrote, Craig and Swann will be married at the start, when Craig says this:
“Good morning, Mrs Bond’, to which she replies: ‘Don’t you mean Ms Swann?”
The fact they’re married at all is just cheap On Her Majesty’s Secret Service rehash and hammers home how they’ve given up on this reboot being “Bond Begins” or fitting into the Fleming/classic film lore in any way, shape, or form.
Writing films that fit in the established universe is hard!
According to the article it’s very ‘woke,” her not taking his name! Never mind the fact she’s 34 and he’s old enough to be her father at 51!
Come along darling
Her not taking his name makes even less sense when you remember her father’s surname was White. Now that may have been a code name, but it was established she was in hiding when Bond found her, so if Swan was her real last name or even her mother’s maiden name, SPECTRE has to be the most incompetent espionage organization ever conceived! Therefore the assumed name Swann, should have no significance to her what so ever and she should be happy to cast off that chapter of her life and move on regardless of her politics!
I never understood why “woke” people like this get married anyway, marriage is a religious institution and most “woke” folk mix with religion about as well as oil does with water. Sure there are tax advantages but that’s what civil unions are for. And why is Craig finding out her surname politics on their honeymoon, did he really dive into matrimony with a woman he knows so little about?!
I now pronounce you two contractually obligated persons
It doesn’t really matter since Ms Swann/Not Mrs. Bond will be dead by the time the titles roll anyway.
Much like the beginning of the second Austin Powers film. Yes Austin Powers, remember him?! The character who, as Craig so eloquently put it f@%ked them! Once again EON rips off Mike Myers! Just as brother Blofeld emerged from the Dr. Evil, Austin Powers fraternal sub plot in Goldmember, a dead wife at the beginning seems to have been inspired by The Spy Who Shagged Me. In the beginning of that film, Powers’ wife is revealed to have been a “Fembot” the entire time and is subsequently destroyed, prompting Powers to declare, “Wait a minute I’m single again!”
Playing on a loop in the EON writer’s room.
And much like Powers, after he’s single and free to mingle again, Craig will apparently have lost his “mojo” as well:
“Bond tries his usual seduction techniques (on the women in the film) but they fail miserably. It’s very funny.”
This would almost be a better film!
Failing miserably at attracting women? Par for the course for old creaky, craggy Craig’s “Bond!” That’s why he’s resorted to some of the more cringe inducing “seduction” scenes in the franchise over the last two films, taking advantage of a former child sex slave in Skyfall and forcing himself on a widow in SPECTRE.
Don’t mind me, I’ll just help myself! Also an example of what the politically correct brigade consider pro-woman.
But don’t fret, some great news has also leaked!
In one scene, Daniel Craig’s suave secret agent is struggling to get a seaplane airborne as his passenger cries out ‘Get it up! Get it up!’ – prompting the wry reply: ‘I’ve never had a problem with that before.’
Yuck, yuck, yuck…
I take it all back, Austin Powers is too good to be compared to this trash!
Really EON?! Is this how little you think of the fandom?! Is this what you think we want?! Crude frat-boy humor?! Is this what “brilliant” writer Waller-Bridge has been brought in for, “that’s what your mom said” caliber jokes?!
That’s what she said! Duh, huh, huh, huh!
Remember when Bond was the thinking man’s action franchise? When Bond was aspirational? When the name James Bond represented charm, class and sophistication? When Bond was an educated man of the world? When he not only spoke several languages but did so eloquently?
NAH! We’ll just pump the film full of pander politics and dick jokes, that’ll work!
Good news, Craig is returning for Bond 26 and pre-production has already begun!
Nobody is asking for this, not classic fans nor the neo Craig-heads, no one! You want to appeal to Bond fans? Try crafting a fully fleshed out story with characters who are more than cheap cardboard virtue signals! Try putting more than less a halfhearted effort into the film making! Throwing money at a conceptually bankrupt group of hack writers and flavor of the week directors isn’t going to cut it anymore!
Instead EON sits on their duff for three plus years between films, before finally and reluctantly slapping a film together last minute, writing on the fly, counting on some cheap fan service in the form of the monotonous homages they shoehorn in to distract from the convoluted mess they capture on celluloid. Then to placate the screeching media, who don’t give a crap anyway, cram in as much politically correct claptrap as is humanly possible, only for the same media to forget all about it come the next film!
EON, 3 years out of 4.