dirtybenny

No Peeking!!!!

Clasp your hands and close your eyes then get ready for a big surprise!

 

Shortly after my last rant concerning Aston Martin and the “homages” in which two of their vintage vehicles will be appearing, the No Time To Die second unit descended upon the sleepy little Italian village of Matera to begin filming one of them. The major industry of this tiny hamlet is tourism, so when the production crew shattered the still of the countryside with screaming tires, roaring engines and simulated machine gun fire, I find it odd MGM/EON were shocked to find all of those wandering sightseers had turned their collective cameras upon the commotion and posted the results on the web. Thus prompting the studio to start handing out cease and desist orders like sugary treats on All Hallows Eve.

 

MGM: Nothing to see here.

 

What gives me the biggest chuckle stemming from this kerfuffle is the self righteous indignation which was immediately leveled at the production company by the sycophantic, boot licking “official” websites, such as IWantCraig’sBaby.com, DanielCraigIsGod.org and IWasn’tEvenABondFanUntilCraig.Gov once they suddenly found themselves cutoff from their insider status.

 

Don’t you know who I am, I’m one of the admins at CraigIzBestusEva.com

 

Why the producers are playing so coy is beyond me. For one thing the outline of this scene was leaked two months prior to shooting:

“Allegedly, Léa Seydoux will return as Madeleine Swann “for the action-packed car chase, that takes place after 007 pays tribute to an old flame.”

We already know what’s going to happen in the scene, Craigers and Swann Song will be visiting the grave of I can only assume to be Vesper Lynd for some unholy reason. I mean how’s this going to play out? Here my sweet, my “one true soulmate” for whom I gave up my career and accompanying lifestyle, this is the grave of my previous “one true soulmate” for whom I was going to give up my career and accompanying lifestyle, she met an untimely and violent end when she chose suicide over spending one more excruciating moment with me!

So not an at all awkward scene, which will be suddenly interrupted when Brofeld appears and begins to rain all over the parade of our two star crossed lovers!

A scene almost as awkward as the crew member with the Laura Croft fetish. 

Judging from this clip, which survived the MGM hatchet man’s razor sharp ax, it appears this sequence takes place soon after the closing scene of SPECTRE, because Craig is still driving the weapons laden, million pounds sterling, piece of Her Majesty’s property, which he stole from MI6 as he retired. So it could be Brofeld or perhaps the British government attempting to reclaim their lethal property from a rogue agent?

Shut your eyes, don’t look at it it, least MGM melt our faces!!!

You can see the gun barrels behind the headlights and the results of the gunfire on the obligatory fruit stands.

More verboten footage.

 

Some still photos have also emerged of the principle cast on set.

Daniel Craig or a masked stuntman? Telling those damned kids to get off his lawn!

I have to ask who the hell is dressing this man? Whomever they are, they need to reel Craig in! Craig has never been a good dresser and the more free hand he’s been given the odder he appears, from sausage skin tight suits to unkempt peach fuzz beards, Craig has taken Bond to new fashion lows. Look at this sartorial travesty, tan jeans with suspenders?! He looks like he rolled a San Francisco mixologist on the way to the set! All he needs is a “man bun” and a vape pipe!

Who wore it better?

 

 

There’s also a shot of what appears to be Rami Malek’s stunt double dressed like a member of 90’s boy band Color Me Badd.

 

Moving on, we get another look at RoboAgent T-2-007 played by Lashana Lynch.

Is that a massive gun on your hip or are you just over compensating?

Every screen shot I’ve seen of Lashana on set give the impression she’s playing a soulless dead behind the eyes caricature. I don’t want to say she appears stone faced, but she makes the granite edifices of Mount Rushmore look like Jim Carrey after a week locked in a cocaine factory. I have a strong feeling female “007” is going to be nothing more than the tired old one dimensional female “tough guy” we’ve been inundated with lately. Funny how feminists in Hollywood fight “toxic masculinity” by depicting women as having every one of the “toxic” attributes they so hate in the stoic, “boys don’t cry,” “shake it off,” “rub some dirt on it” men they despise.

 

Finally, I’ve saved the best for last, from the Daily Mail:

For those of you who don’t recognize Craig’s assistant, that’s “producer” Barbara Broccoli!

I can’t blame the Mail, Knowing what we know about Babz and her devotion to this Cro-Magnon, I’m willing to bet she’s the one who handed him that water bottle after running up between takes so she could continue canoodling with him and ask what she should do next on the production.

  7 comments for “No Peeking!!!!

  1. Julien
    October 6, 2019 at 8:51 am

    Dirtybenny, I’m starting to think the seeds for this mess were planted almost 30 years ago with Barbara’s first outing as producer, Goldeneye. Hear me out! Don’t flog me. How different really is the feminism, tone, and portrayal of Bond from the Brosnan and Craig eras? There isn’t much difference unfortunately. In Goldeneye we had a female M, a masculine yet awkwardly kinky Xenia Onatopp, and lackluster chemistry between Bond and Moneypenny. It was almost as if Brosnan’s Bond was afraid to flirt with Moneypenny due to 1990s sexual harassment mores. Moreover, while I do acknowledge that Goldeneye is a good action film the tone still seems too dark for 007 compared to the Connery and Moore films. Yes, A View To A Kill was silly and the Moore era was camp at times, but I argue the Dalton and Brosnan films still could’ve mimicked the balanced Connery era instead of the direction they chose. Just compare the panther like stealth and pistol firing of Connery’s action scenes with assault rifle toting Brosnan! Perhaps, this is just all due to the frenzied pace and violence in modern filmmaking, but everytime I see any marathon of Bond films I’m struck by just how different and obnoxious the films after Moore are (TLD was average, however). The contrast in quality and experience is staggering. As a Bond fan it even has me questioning whether we even really needed more films after the classic era. I do also think Brosnan’s portrayal of Bond isn’t that different from Craig. Craig just takes the stiffness and severity to a higher level. Anyway, these are my thoughts. I think Goldeneye and Brosnan are overrated and we wouldn’t have the Craig films if Goldeneye wasn’t successful. But alas many adore Goldeneye so I may strike a nerve.

    • dirtybenny
      dirtybenny
      October 6, 2019 at 4:33 pm

      You have a point Julien, I don’t know if you’ve read my recent rant on the subject, comparing the women of early Babz vs. her later work. You are right Brosnan and Dalton’s films are different in tone from Connery, but then so are Moore’s, that just illustrates what a phenomenal job Connery did with the role. Each actor has brought their own touch to the role for better or worse, or much much worse such as the case in the current state of the films. While the films in the previous incarnations differed in their approaches they still held to the core concept of Bond. What has happened since Craig is a total abandonment of those concepts and that is why his films are so far off the mark.

    • Roger
      October 7, 2019 at 8:42 pm

      First of all, this post is a mess. You’re all over the place man, try to collect your thoughts first.

      Second of all, did you even see Goldeneye? “It was almost as if Brosnan’s Bond was afraid to flirt with Moneypenny due to 1990s sexual harassment mores.” Bond does flirt with Moneypenny, she teases him about sexual harassment, and he teases her back, saying something like ‘And what’s the penalty fort that?’ The whole theme of Goldeneye was how the world was changing and what Bond’s place in it would be.

      • Janna Watson
        October 9, 2019 at 7:37 am

        In a nutshell, Craig’s interpretation of James Bond is so off key from both the Bond in the novels and in the earlier films. The first James Bond I saw was 1997’s TND. While a fairly decent film, I didn’t know anything about James Bond and his origins until reading the novels and seeing the first set of films. Now some 20 yrs later and trying to be as objective as possible I do think the franchise has been sucked dry to the point of no going back.

  2. Vincenzo
    October 14, 2019 at 5:16 pm

    Dench’s M called Bond a “sexist misogynist dinosaur” and stated that she had no compunction about sending him to his death then, in the very same scene, almost implored him to “come back alive” thus diluting any air of ruthlessness she might have wanted to project.
    Wether this contradiction was intentional, to make her character briefly drop her guard and appear more humane and sympathetic to the audience, or simply a foretaste of the wonky writing that later contributors would bring to the series, I couldn’t possibly say.
    Goldeneye is still pretty solid escapist fun though, which is all I personally have ever wanted from the Bond series and Licence to Kill, although a more superficially hard-edged film than it’s predecessors, still has quirky character scenes, some larger than life action and a few pricelessly funny moments.
    I saw LTK at the cinema when it came out and “SWITCH THE BLOODY MACHINE OFF!!” raised a huge laugh from the audience, along with the fate of Sanchez’ lower ranking henchmen during the truck chase finale, plus of course any scene with Desmond Llewellyn
    I loved all of Sir Roger’s entries but really do wish we could have had a few more Timothy Dalton Bond Films as well.
    Regarding the supposed “deeper emotional content” of Casino Royale, when Tracy dies at the end of OHMSS it’s genuinely heartbreaking esp given how well loved Diana Rigg was due to The Avengers* because her romance with 007 seemed warm and believable.
    When Vesper bought the farm at the end of CR I really just didn’t give a toss. The supposed “great romance” just doesn’t convince or ring true.
    In fact I think I may have been checking my watch to see if there was enough time left to get a beer afterwards and wash away the taste of upper middle class nihilism…

    *That’s the real “The Avengers” of course, as opposed to Thor and his fellow romper suit models.
    Or that GODAWFUL nineties film…

    • dirtybenny
      dirtybenny
      October 17, 2019 at 3:15 pm

      Right on all accounts Vin. I think with Dench they were trying to portray her as tough yet wanted to soften her a bit, so we don’t think her a cold hearted bitch, this was the 90’s after all and the world wasn’t quite ready for a full blown hard core woman M. As “hard” as Dalton is considered by many, as you say he still had a lightness of touch to his performance sorrowly lacking from our current protagonist. As far as Vesper and Casino at large, I feel a rant coming on which may make it to the pages of this fair website in the coming weeks ahead.

      • Vincenzo
        October 17, 2019 at 4:38 pm

        Dalton’s Bond positively radiates personal integrity and a strong sense of right and wrong, whilst still being a fairly affable sort of chap when not caught up in the tension and excitement of a mission.
        That’s the James Bond that I visualise from reading the original novels, not some glum friendless alcoholic getting ratarsed on his own in a corner. Bernard Lee’s M would have had the Craig Bond keelhauled.
        I read The Man With The Golden Gun again recently and there are certain scenes that could have been written for Dalton, but also others that Roger Moore would have nailed perfectly, such as acting the relentlessly cheerful Englishman in front of Scaramanga’s thuggish “hotel guests”

        Space stations exist, adaptive camouflage is technically feasible, but “Smart Blood” is genuinely ridiculous….

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