dirtybenny

Martin, Aston Martin

Believe it or not I didn’t create this image!

Since I’m fresh from my vacation in California’s Monterey Bay for “Car Week,” where an Aston Martin DB5 used in promotion for Thunderball was sold for a record $6.4 million. I thought I’d reach back to a rumor from April that Bond 25 Director Cary Funkenstien wanted to feature an electric Aston Martin sedan in the film. I’m glad they got that out of the way, it’s not like they had more pressing matters to contend with, like story or script. I mean one must have their priorities! While I haven’t seen any footage featuring the E-Aston, they have been busy with several older models which featured in previous movies for more garbage homages to much superior films.

Homages.

Bond and Aston have been ingrained into the zeitgeist of pop culture for decades, one can’t think of an Aston without immediately thinking of Bond. However one wonders why, looking closely, only until recently Bond drove a total of three Astons four different times, not counting the DB5 cameos during Brosnan’s reign, designed to distract from BMW’s sponsorship.

Nothing to see here!

That’s better!

Bond memorably drove a DB5 in Goldfinger (as well as a cameo in Thunderball), a DBS not as memorably in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service and a Vantage/Volante (hardtop/convertible models) to good effect in The Living Daylights. However he also drove a Lotus in two films, so why hasn’t that brand taken on as much of an association? Then there’s the literary Bond, who famously favored Bentleys, only driving an Aston once, in the novel Goldfinger. Ironically he chose it from the MI6 motor pool because it best fit his cover as a roguish playboy of questionable means! Other than Sir Hillary Bray, when has his cover not fit that description?

I’m such a lovably roguish playboy I have to tone it down when I go undercover as one!

The funny thing is, in 1964 Aston initially balked at loaning EON two of their sports cars for the production. It was Cubby Broccoli’s instance on adaptation accuracy that ensured Aston’s place in cinematic history. He insisted on getting an Aston for the film come hell or high water and it was the best bit of free advertising anyone could hope for, paying dividends for years nearly unassisted, save for 1987’s The Living Daylights. In reality I think Aston could have left it at that and still have had the same level of brand recognition with Bond.

So why has Aston become so entwined with Bond? As I said earlier Bond drove the Lotus twice and the Lotus’ appearance in The Spy Who Loved Me was every bit as memorable as the DB5 in Goldfinger. I think it comes down to nothing more superficial than appearance. The DB5 is the most beautiful of all the Astons ever made, which puts it high in the running for most beautiful car of all time. The Lotus on the other hand has the styling that permeated all performance cars of the mid to late 70’s which is to say it strongly resembles a wedge of cheddar on wheels.

Artist’s muse and finished sculpture?

Now here we are 50 years later and Aston has taken a page from the Omega watch company playbook by inserting their special edition high priced toys for boys into each and every film since Die Another Day. All for fanboys of means to throw a quarter million dollars at an auto dealer so they too can tool about in a car similar to the one that shared 30 seconds of screen time with the reining Bond actor. Which it seems is the only thing keeping the car company afloat.

Try to hold down your lunch.

 

Like Craig’s face, a new wrinkle has emerged, the E-Aston has been scratched in favor of a fuel slurping mid-engined pseudo race car. I guess they could afford to ditch the four wheeled virtue signal once they had Lashana Lynch take the form of one in flesh and blood. What’s more, this hyper-car is sure to cost significantly higher and be more desirable than the first generation E-car sedans built in a shed by electric vehicle novices, which will be better for Aston’s bottom line.

Selling fewer, pricier units to a group of idiot millionaire fanboys is our winning strategy!

I suppose ether way it doesn’t really matter, as whatever new Aston makes it into the film will get two seconds of forgettable screen time, before being forgotten and relegated to the collections of those well-heeled groupies. They’ll sit in them while wearing their officially licensed little blue shorts from Casino Royale, cardigan sweaters from Quantum of Solace and most importantly various Omega watches™ emblazoned with 007s and EON’s gun barrel logo.

More on this phenomenon in a future rant.

This is precisely why I know for a fact Lashana Lynch, nor any other woman for that matter will ever permanently take over the mantle of 007. While women are no more immune from marketing hype and buying the useless crap they see in film than men, not enough of them are going to watch these films, as women are not typically action movie fans. So they aren’t going to plunk down mountains of cash on sports cars, expensive watches or whatever else is emblazoned with a 007 just because some gal in a film they didn’t see uses one. EON for all their faults at least know this fact and won’t shoot the cash cow keeping them rolling in dough.

Thank you to my corporate sponsors!

  6 comments for “Martin, Aston Martin

  1. Mr Bastard
    September 4, 2019 at 8:17 pm

    Instead of an exotic sports car, how about bringing back the Citroen 2CV from For Your Eyes Only? It would really suit Craig.
    Of course the effects crew would have to fit an automatic transmission, raise the driver’s seat and fit blocks of wood to the pedals so that he could drive it.
    And he still wouldn’t be as amusing as Roger Moore…

    • Vincenzo
      September 4, 2019 at 8:26 pm

      Dammit! Used wrong username again. Curse you Autofill…

  2. dirtybenny
    dirtybenny
    September 5, 2019 at 12:38 am

    Split personalities catching up with you again Vin?

    • Vincenzo
      September 7, 2019 at 8:28 pm

      Apologies DB. The other username is for a forum where somewhat more… ahem, “robust” opinions are aired. Mostly regarding motorcycles. They’re a tough crowd…

      • dirtybenny
        dirtybenny
        September 8, 2019 at 6:03 am

        Ah yes as a rider myself I know exactly what you mean! It seems when discussing transportation, the fewer the wheels the bawdier the patter, I hear the unicycle forums are downright unholy!

  3. Julien
    September 20, 2019 at 5:27 am

    Next you are going to tell me that Bond will smoke e-cigarettes in the new film. I hope this flops so badly in the box office thus paving the way for a 1960s period piece reboot.

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