dirtybenny

Super Ad!

Is it just me, or has the quality at Madam Tussauds’ dropped off lately?

 

The first Sunday in February saw a sporting event of a “Super” magnitude here in the United States. This celebrated “Bowl” game is renown for it’s very expensive commercial blocks. This year ad spots cost upwards of $5.6 million U.S. dollars depending on who you ask.

Talk about an All American!

 

I bring this up because everyone’s favorite super spy made an appearance worthy of a different kind of bowl in one of those astronomically priced endorsements. See for yourself:

Five and a half million well spent!

 

Funny but I don’t remember EON springing for such a colossal price tag before, after all $5 million could probably buy 6 more minutes of screen time from Craig!

Bond 26? You can’t afford me!

 

To be fair EON hasn’t released a film near enough the “Big Game” to warrant an ad on the most prodigious advertising bonanza in the United States. However, to me the whole thing stinks of desperation, this along with an ad that aired during the Oscars (an ad which was so remarkably similar to this one it’s not worth discussing further), scream “Hey remember James Bond? We got a movie coming out in a couple months!” And yet it was all for naught, as nobody seemed to notice, well besides the usual sycophantic suspects locked in the internet message rooms or shilling man panties on YouTube. It seems to me all the tampons and “female 007” is catching up with the production, just as I said it would in this rant.

The public’s preconceived notion of this film.

 

Let us take a close look at this 30 second masterpiece EON blew so much money on. We start off with the egg man himself, sporting a pair of sweet, round John Lennon shades.

Imagine all the people… buying these sunglasses!

 

As we pan back we see EON got a two for one deal on those specs…

Unisex… the glasses I mean.

 

Craig asks Lynch, “Have you ever flown one of these before?” To which she replies, “Nope.” Oh sweet comedy gold where have you been all my life!

Hilarious?

 

Once again, this masterpiece written by committee, has proven itself oh so witty! This is the Bond film, at least in part, written by Pheobe Waller-Bridge, the scribe heralded by those in the know as a great wordsmith and raconteur right?

Just checking.

 

As we pan farther back we see the dynamic duo are seated in an aircraft cockpit, which in turn is inside another aircraft.

Jet inception!

 

Many of the he-men woman haters, of whom I have spoken about so much lately, have been quick to point out that Bond is the passenger of this craft and therefore has taken a back seat to his female co-star, therefore symbolizing what has been described as some sort of passing of the torch at best, or “cuckolding” at worse. Yes fellas, because Bond has never ridden shotgun in a female piloted conveyance before:

No,

Never,

Not once!

 

Anyway back to the subject at hand. As the smaller aircraft slides out of the larger, it suddenly sprouts wings and flies off.

There’s something familiar about this…

 

Oops!

Come to think of it…

This feels a bit familiar as well…

Oops!

 

The two daring young sweater clad agents gallivanting off in their flying machine cements my position the two would be teaming up, as prophesied at the end of this rant of the extended trailer.

The rest of the trailer is rehashed footage from the longer one which premiered two months ago, except:

Some under ice swimming which seems familiar…

Oh yeah Skyfall, but I can’t shake the sense I’ve seen this somewhere else…

Now what film was this again?

Oops!

 

Yes, that’s right almost every scene in this trailer is ripped straight from that most dreadful of Bond films, the despicable Die Another Day. Only instead of the Aston Martin disappearing it’s the audience!

Well almost every scene:

Gotta love novelty sunglasses!

  2 comments for “Super Ad!

  1. Avatar
    capt. flandry
    February 17, 2020 at 8:07 pm

    Maybe Eon have no ideas/time/past caring so they are making a by the numbers Craig movie, as Eon used to churn out the by the numbers Brosnan movies.

    • Avatar
      Janna Watson
      February 17, 2020 at 9:33 pm

      That sounds right. As much as I like Brosnan as Bond 3 of his 4 movies weren’t great either. And just based on the trailer it is almost like they’re deliberately repeating older Bond films for the new century.

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