Where Have All The Pundits Gone?

Hey look, something else to ascribe politics upon and bicker over!

I’ve spoken ad-nausea lately about the warring factions fighting the good fight over the prospect of lady “007” and other politically charged rumors surrounding No Time To Die. In fact I’ve probably spent more time covering them than they have covering the film, I’ve certainly spent more time talking about them than they’ve spent watching Bond films or reading any given Bond novel.

Pictured: Eon Flemming

The funny thing, once the latest Star Wars film premiered they’ve all disappeared! Once a new larger battleground in the war of politically biased entertainment reporting presented itself, the cavalry charged off and the tanks rolled out leaving it all quiet on the Bondian front.

And just like that, they were gone.

To be honest these folks only popped up sporadically on the Bond subject a couple of times this year, once five months ago when female “007” was leaked and again when this “different kind of Bond (girl) woman” article debuted last month. An article so derivative, aside from a few details, it could have been written 35 years ago for A View To A Kill, only changing the names from Lynch and De Armas to Jones and Roberts.

Pretty much the same.

 

What this demonstrates however, is the actual state of the Bond franchise. Here we are, less than four months until the premiere of the latest Bond film, a picture which promises to be Daniel Craig’s last. You remember him don’t you? The “BEST BOND EVAAA!” Yet no discussion on the film, well not unless it’s a list of all the mishaps on set, or some politically charged screed on a rumored script detail.

Tampons!!!!!!!

But can you really blame them? It’s hard to get excited about a franchise that’s wore out the origin story motif over four films, starring a 51 year old actor who doesn’t look a day older than the Jurassic period! Had EON made the correct move and recast with a fresh new actor after the threadbare SPECTRE, the excitement would’ve been palpable and it’d be free advertising aplenty, instead:

The name’s Bones… Creaky Bones

It’s been zilch on Bond, just cheap shots fired from the YouTube peanut gallery about “Bond, Cucked Bond” and “Lunch Lady Larry 007” (a tasteless name given to Lynch by some of these cretins) and her tampons, but even those are few and far between. Yet Star Wars has been discussed nonstop both good and bad for better or worse over the past half decade. I’ve come to the sad conclusion that after fifteen years of lackluster “grit” and poorly fleshed out melodramatics, coupled with Craig’s disinterested, visibly bored “performances,” James Bond is just not that big of a deal anymore. Look at the comments sections of the few positive articles out there, you’ll get the occasional “Danyell Cregg iz da bestus EVA!” but the bulk of them fall into the category of “Are they still making these?” Nobody cares, well except for the aforementioned fan boys, shills and cult members who wouldn’t care if a giant purple dinosaur were cast in the role and the story lines morphed into singing with children on a playground, just so long as he answered to James Bond.

Brontosaurus shaken not stirred.

I hear the clothing weirdos are already trying to figure out what brand of underwear he’s wearing in this scene.

I can’t wait to make a new dino torso for my murder room!

EON has lost the plot when it comes to film promotion, thinking an article or two in the likes of Empire or Esquire or any other antiquated print magazine beginning with an E will be enough to control the narrative. All it’s done is thrown fuel on the fire of “internet outrage” and unlike the past, there is such a thing as bad publicity. EON needs the general public, not just the handful of lemming “Bond fans” out there in order to make money on these films, and thanks to the “wildcats” on YouTube and Twitter, if all everyone thinks of this film is simply “tampons” and “woke” they will not come out to see it.

The public’s perception of this film at present.

Without a huge shot in the arm come Bond 26, with an inspired casting choice and a fun adventurous story, I’m afraid the Bond series may not survive much longer. And if the rumors are true (which I doubt they are) and Lynch takes over the series in the 26th installment that will just hasten the death of the franchise.

I’ve used this picture many times before and each time it feels more and more permanent.

 

With that I say goodbye 2019 and thank you to all of you out there in rant land for all your support and kinship over the past year!

Here’s to a happy and prosperous 2020, hopefully it will be Craig’s last year in the role but not Bond’s last on screen!