Daniel Craig Rides Off Into The Sunset

Obviously I “Photoshoped” the face of this famous picture of Russian dictator Vlad Putin, but did I replace it with the face of Daniel Craig or another picture of the 21st century Stalin? I’ll never tell! 
 
Daniel Craig has just mounted his latest atomic bomb and ridden it off into the sunset:
“Yippy kai yay mother…”
 
So now that Dan has vaporized himself in no uncertain terms, the question is, who’s going to take his place and why the hell isn’t it Henry Cavil?
Nope, definitely not Bond material.
 
The reasons he should be Bond are many; tall, dark and hansom, the man is responsible for more thirsty women than the Sahara desert! He could definitely be convincing as a man who could bed any woman. He’s also likeable enough to ingratiate himself to the male audience, not to steal a term from the daily political upheaval but action characters are inherently toxic (in a good way). I mean you got to admit, to decapitate a man then make a quip over his still warm corpse has a certain level of toxicity. Now depending on how it’s done and who does it, it can come off as a cheeky little aside letting the audience know it’s all fun and games or appear as the “hero” is pissing on some poor bloke’s remains. I think Cavil has the level of charm to pull it off. I could probably go on for some time as to why he is the fan favorite for good reason to take over the role (regardless of what the media is currently pushing), but why bother as it won’t be him. 
Sorry old chap.
 
No, Henry can’t be Bond for a few reasons, first EON productions has historically hired lesser known (read cheaper) actors, so he’d cost too much, which is a laugh when you consider EON were quite happy to throw a full 10% of their production budget at a B level actor whom the producer had become quite fond of.
So of course paying for an A list actor is out of the question, whether that be Cavil or even current media favorite Idris Elba. Not only is Elba too expensive, he’s also too old. It’s unfortunate, Elba would have made a decent Bond 7-8 years ago, too bad Barbara Broccoli had to cling to her juvenile crush until he had to quite literally rip himself away from her grasp.
Let’s step away from Henry and Idris for a moment to discuss who or more importantly what Bond will or won’t be in the next film. 
Excellent question old boy!
 
Bond will not be a woman, not just because producer Barbera Broccoli said so, I don’t value the words that come out of her, or brother Michael G.(aslight) Wilson’s mouths any more than for the hot air they’re made of.
“EON Productions press conference”
 
Besides, a small part of me is still dubious enough to wonder if she’d pull a fast one and try releasing a Nomi 007 film? But enough of my tin foil hat conspiracies, Bond won’t be a woman because there’s no money in it. Not in that nobody will go see it in the theaters, though that is true, The Rhythm Section anyone? But rather because Bond makes for great advertisement to certain individuals with more disposable income than taste.
“Behold, my total lack of self awareness!”
 
And if Bond turns female where would that leave these folks?
Probably in the same boat.
 
Seriously though, they can’t risk the cash Omega™, Aston Martin™, Sunspel™, Tom Ford™, N. Peal™ et al. donate to these films and EON knows where their bread is buttered. There is far too much money at stake to risk women are as idiotic as men when it comes to “screen accurate items.”
This could be you ladies!
 
The other reason Bond won’t be a woman is also the reason he most likely won’t be black;
“Foreign Markets”
 
China has a very big say in what is produced in Hollywood, they have a strong track record in racism and sexism also, which unfortunately Tinseltown is all too happy to indulge.
“Some of these things are not like the others!”
 
This is also why Bond won’t be gay or bi, at least not in any meaningful way that can’t be seamlessly edited out for those “foreign markets.” Like young Q’s “He’ll be here in 20 minutes” line in No, Time To Die or Bond’s “What makes you think this is my first time” quip as the villain Silva is fondling him in Skyfall. Yes there may be brief references in the western market films but easily trimmed for places where such cheap virtue signals don’t fly.
“Ahem!”
 
So who/what will the next Bond be? The who? I haven’t the foggiest, as to the what if I were a betting man, for all the reasons above, I’d say an Asian actor.
“Come on Asian!”
 
It would tick the “person of color” box so important to the “Twitterati,” while making the films far more appealing in the all too important Chinese market. 
 
So, that’s where I think EON’s head is at, but what about the fans? I’m talking about the “real” fans on the “official” websites like MI6-HQ and Commander Bond, not the “sad,” “pathetic,” “loser” writing the piece you’re currently reading. Browsing some of their posts I’m reminded of the old cliché;
 
From the ComanderBond.Net forum, Reboot? Remake? Retro?
David M. says:

“The next era should start with a Bond who’s already established in his job. James Bond does not need an origin and is only diminished by efforts to give him one. I don’t want to see him “grow into the job,” I want to see him competent from day one.

He should be assgined to a high-stakes mission and this time it is NOT personal(emphasis not mine)

Treat each new film as a stand-alone story, not reliant on the previous entry for direction or, as has more often been the case, hobbled by the need to “fix” it.”

West says:

“I’d personally love the series to return to ‘one-and-done’ stories, some being more light hearted, some being more serious. I don’t need or want multi film arcs.”

St.John.Smythe says:

“I would not want yet another “origin story” with a young OO making his way up.

But I most of all would not want a “Is Bond relevant? / Can he be trusted? ” type of plot as we’ve had non-stop since DAD.
Whatever route they go, I want to see Bond being Bond, being the best at what he does, and doing it with style.”

Birdleson says:
“I’m hoping that we go back to some stand alone films. Ones that are mission focused, that have no origin in Bond’s, M’s or MI6’s past. Also, I wouldn’t mind a return to some lighter fare. It’s the back and forth that has kept the franchise alive and fresh.”
 
Then there are these gems, sent to me by frequent commenter Jason, also from MI6-HQ this time their Facebook page in reference to the end of No, Time To Die:
 
It goes on and on like that, sounds a bit like a certain number of outcasts on a certain other forum doesn’t it?
“Hmmm”
 
Back to our main man Henry, due to his cost, fame and all I’ve listed above he won’t be the next Bond, who will? Who knows, since I’m just talking out of my backside it could be anyone!
“Who do I think the next Bond will be?”

  4 comments for “Daniel Craig Rides Off Into The Sunset

  1. “if I were a betting man, for all the reasons above, I’d say an Asian actor.”

    I think you might be onto something. I could certainly see them going with someone like Henry Golding. He’s the right age (35), grew up in England, is in pretty good shape. He’s popular, but not TOO big. I could certainly see him or someone like him at least being strongly considered.

    • Ah yes Roger, his name has been bandied about in my direction several time since I posted this rant, so he may be the name to attach to my theory!

  2. Oh boy the Craig censors over at MI 6 must be losing their lunch over the FB comments. The DC era is not aging well. Pierce’s movies are getting more looks on Amazon than Babz sopa operas starring DC per an article I saw. We’ve all had those moments when there is nothing on the thousand channels we have and say to ourselves, “I think I’ll watch Goldfinger”. I can’t see that ever happening with people saying let’s watch NTTD to see Bond peel apples and get eviserated. Keep up the good work DB.

    • Thank you my friend and thanks for the screen shots. The truth is none of the Craig films have much “re-watchability” unless you’re into dour endings and step-brothers.

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