Fans of Mediocrity Rejoice!


Well its official Daniel Craig has slashed his wrists, at least metaphorically speaking. Craig claims he “changed his mind” concerning his return to Bond. Not true, everyone forgets the entire quote. Craig said, “Now? I’d rather break this glass and slash my wrists… If I did another Bond movie, it would only be for the money.” Craig never said he would not return to Bond, no he said he would come back for a huge payday, and who can blame him? Over the last two years he took a good look over the desolate landscape that is his career and saw Bond was his only hope at staying relevant, unless you count a possible return in a Logan Lucky sequel.

So now not only are we going to get another depressing, psychobabble infused mess of a film, we have the added benefit of an uninspired Craig simply seeking one last payday before he is effectively retired by the lack of roles waiting for him.

EON missed an opportunity to revitalize the series here (and save some money while doing it) but instead kept the course, once again they missed the warning signs as they did when the Bro-feld subplot was leaked during pre-production on SPECTRE. Most people are ready for a change, forums were a flutter, critics were enthusiastically speculating and magazine pieces were written on how it was time for a fresh face, which would have been unheard of a few years ago, these pundits where giddily taking odds on who would replace Craig, the iron was hot yet Babz could not or would not strike. So everyone fasten your seat belts for yet another mediocre melodrama featuring that buffed old guy from those Nugenix commercials (testosterone vitamins), sleepwalking his way through the stilted dialogue and Freudian ideology.

Look, while I don’t find Craig to be the ideal Bond, my problem has never really been with him, it’s the sappy direction the films took under his tenure, and I don’t blame him for that, although he did take some writing and production credit on a few of them, so there's that. No, I’m disappointed over his return because it confirms there will be more of the same “soul searching”, “introspective”, “emotional”, claptrap foisted upon the public. Now there was no guarantee a new actor would have spelled the end of this nonsense, but hope sprung eternal and now it’s certain the status quo will continue. Bro-feld will return and the next film writes itself, where, spoiler alert, we begin with Madeline Swann's murder during the pre-titles, a schmaltzy title sequence devoid of any feminine forms and a “deep”, “emotional” journey of vengeance against Bro-feld for killing the only woman he ever loved, besides the other one and the one before her, because this time it's personal, no really, this time for realsies it's personal like for real! Yaaaaawn.

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