“Too Ugly” For Bond claims Daniel Craig’s Girlfriend

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Daniel Craig “Too Ugly” For Bond claims Daniel Craig’s

August 10th, 2006

Daniel Craig “Too Ugly” For Bond claims Daniel Craig’s

Daniel Craig’s girlfriend, Fat Anne, stated yesterday that
her boyfriend is too ugly to be James Bond. At a dinner
party in plush Oxford, Fat Anne paused between
mouthfuls of Angel Delight to claim that her boyfriend
was “a minger” and that his eyes were “a pair of pigs’
arseholes poking out of a bush.”
The horrific actor, who will play the character of James
Bond in a movie about the character of the same name,
fell to his knees and wailed at the moon when he heard
the latest news. “Why am ugly?” he said, his revolting
face undulating as the words slimed from his mutated
mouth. “Am in pain. Am ugly be Bond. Am HUNGRY!”
With the last word, he tore his clothes from his body
and spasmed on his kitchen floor, shaking the room
with such force that the ceiling tiles were torn asunder.
James Bond will return in “Rentaghossy.”

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