dirtybenny

Who’s Your Daddy?


Notice: Trying to access array offset on value of type null in /home/classicbond2017/public_html/DanielCraigisnotBond/index/wp-content/themes/magazine-premium/template-parts/content.php on line 15

Craig’s Bond you are… (not?) the father!

 

Remember last rant when I asked why EON passed on director Cary Funksoulbrother’s grand idea to have half the film play out in Craig’s drill induced fever dream? Well we have an answer, they had an even bigger soap operatic trope in mind, the long lost child! Or is it a young clone of Madeline Swann? 

That wouldn’t be weird at all!

 

According to the Daily Mail and number one fan site MI6-HQ (the people who never met an EON brain fart they didn’t love), some call sheets have been listed for sale on the auction site E-bay detailing some scenes which appeared to be from the end of the film. Between this and the entire plot of SPECTRE getting leaked before that film premiered, one has to wonder, does EON keep anything locked up?!

The archives at EON.

 

The super fans at MI6 describe the scenes thusly:

“One of the final scenes to be shot Italy back in September was with Nomi (Lashana Lynch) and Madeleine (Lea Seydoux) on the coast near Maratea Port for scene #235. This location is doubling for Safin’s island. Local press caught shots of a rib boat with Nomi in combat gear and Madeline on a radio. But there is a third character included in these late scenes, and it is not James Bond. Her name is Mathilde and she is 5 years old. She appears in scene #235: “Nomi pilots Madeleine and Mathilde to safety with island in the background.”

They also post a list of all the scenes leaked:

“Scene #199: INT ASH’s DEFENDER – “Ash coordinating the pursuit of Bond” (Ash is a crooked CIA agent)
Scene #201: EXT DEAD TREE, FOGGY FOREST – “Bond sees a hiding place” (Bond, Mathilde)
Scene #235: EXT RIB – “Nomi pilots Madeleine and Mathilde to safety with island in the background”
Scene #243: EXT NEARBY ISLAND – Coverage and wide shot (Madeleine, Nomi, Mathilde)
Scene #253: INT VANTAGE, MATERA – “Madeleine is going to tell Mathilde a story, they drive into a tunnel”

 

A child in a Bond film!

Hooray!!!!!

 

In the Mail’s article an “insider” is quoted as saying:

“Bond appears to be happy in his new domestic life but then, of course, he gets dragged back in to save the world.”

 

Well, if you’re expecting to find Bond in domestic repose as this delusional “insider” is, think again. Remember Craig and Swann will split during the pre-title sequence, which apparently takes place 5 years earlier, when the young girl (if she isn’t a clone) would have been conceived. After whatever schmaltzy titles we’re subjected to, laid over Billie Eilish’s vapid droning, we’re supposed to catch up with Craig in present day Jamaica living in retired solitude.

Seen here with his catch, the elusive Jamaican cheddar goldfish.

If you’re expecting him to be involved with his child later in the film, considering this film was covered stem to stern by the paparazzi, it’s hard to believe there wouldn’t be much their prying eyes didn’t catch and since the toddler doesn’t appear on any other locations other than the climatic scenes shot in Italy, it’s easy to believe she doesn’t show up until very late in the film.

  

Always clean what you catch!

If you think he’ll play the doting father in the next installment, keep in mind this is Craig’s last film, which he described as “very emotional and will make you cry”. Also take note of who’s missing after scene #201 up there. Yup, Nomi, Madeleine and Mathilde ride off into the sunset without Bond when Madeleine tells Mathilde a story, I imagine about the man who sacrificed himself to save them.

And that was how your sour, angry, joyless father was blown to bits on a super villain’s desert island lair.

So I wouldn’t bet on him making it out alive. If you remember, the rumored reason for Danny Boyle’s departure back in 2018 was his reluctance to kill off Bond! When I first read of this wrinkle a few years ago I thought the players had been reversed in the article, I mean it would stand to reason the auteur art house director would be the one to do something so avant-garde, while Eon would be cautious about strangling their only ticket to the grown-up’s table in Hollywood. Here I am in 2018 discussing the ramifications in my more amateurish style of the time. 

I’ve got news for you Benny old boy you’re still an amateur!

The point is, it seems they’ve been looking to kill off Bond in this film for some time, so this should come as a surprise to no one who’s been paying even the slightest attention.

 

As to the unlikely clone rumor.

No I didn’t reuse this photo, it’s a clone!

MI6 says this:

“Press reports of Safin’s plan have suggested cloning and Safin’s obsession with Madeleine (Safin saves a young Madeleine from a frozen lake as a child). Mathilde could be a young Madeleine cloned by Safin.” 

Apparently he saves her with fully automatic gunfire.

 

Now for a bit of a clearinghouse of other details from these two articles:

 

From the Daily Mail:

“The new movie involves Bond saving the world from a biological pandemic. ‘It’s not quite Covid-19, but it’s similar’, said the insider. 

‘It’s very timely.’”

Yeah, a little too timely, which is why it was pushed back to a November release. But hey they did push it up by 5 days!

 

From MI6:

“Billy Magnussen’s character Ash, a CIA agent, will be against Bond in the climax of the third act as he will be ‘coordinating the pursuit of Bond’ in his Defender in scene #199. It will be the second time in the Daniel Craig era that one of Felix Leiter’s CIA colleagues is on the wrong side.”

Wow another double agent?!

Yeah, I remember him.

And him,

and him,

and her,

 

Hasn’t the double agent been worn to death?

Guess not.

 

They also had this to add:

“The trailer sees Bond and Madeleine swimming. This is the ‘cave of poetry’ in Puglia and features in scene #16 of the film. This sequence was captured in IMAX, rather than the standard 35mm.”

Whoopee, you mean we’ll get to see Craig’s ass wrinkles in high definition!

I’ll spare you the image.

 

Next:

“Scott Z Burns is listed on the writing credits as a writing team of himself and Cary Fukunaga. He would later be dropped from the final credits.”

Don’t feel bad Scotty old man, I’d say you’re better off for it.

 

Also while on the subject of writing:

“The latest script version whilst filming in late September 2019 was dated April 18th, 2019. That confirms the shooting script was completed 10 days before the official start of principal photography on April 28th. However, script revisions were included dated 5th September 2019, indicating tweaks were being made just a couple of weeks before Italian scenes were filmed.”

Are you seriously trying to argue the script was finished before filming began?! Reports abound on how this debacle was cobbled together on the fly! I mean isn’t that how every Bond since Casino Royale was produced, it’s EON’s modus operandi! Not to mention this interview with Waller-Bridge stating how she along with Craig and director Funkenstien rewrote entire scenes on set!

…the’re were 3 little writers, a director writer, an actor writer and a lady writer (huzzah!) who dismantled a once great film franchise and urinated on the remains.

Speaking of that lady writer, I suppose one could construe through this comment, that the author at ol’ MI6-HQ is trying to subvert Ms. Waller-Bridge’s contribution to this film and diminish her accomplishments on the script, since according to him it was mostly written before she got there and she just punched up some dialogue. So much for all the hoopla surrounding the “first credited female writer since 1963.” 

Guess you guys aren’t much of an ally to the feminist cause?! 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *