Lazy Like A Fox?

It’s no secret I’ve been critical of EON Production’s lack of… well, production over the years. Not so much because I’m eager to see the newest travesty they’ll produce, but rather on an intellectual level. Five years between films when they used to be able to crank one out every two, especially absurd when you remember these films are all they do (recent non-007 flops excluded), you’d think this being their full time job, they’d have “all the time in the world” to think about where to take the series, it’s what Cubby did and why he was able to maintain the afore mentioned two year pace. Nearly six years since it was decided Dan Craig would unequivocally not be coming back (having your character eviscerated by cruse missiles will tend to do that) and EON has made zero progress. You can’t tell me resident scribblers Neal Purvis and Robert Wade were too busy doing nothing, to knit together the gauntest skeleton of a story for other hacks to come in and drape a paper thin skin over before another set of hacks attempt to flesh out this Frankenstein’s monster while they film.

The poster for Bond 26?

However, having said all that, I’m going to take a different tack today and actually posit a theoretical defense of the studio’s current lack of traction. Perhaps they’ve been laying low, biding their time, maybe they’re playing lazy like a fox.

Unapologetic cuteness pandering

For those of you unfamiliar, there is a term “crazy like a fox,” to wit someone acts foolish in order to cover for some very shrewd dealings, playing dumb to lull a mark into lowering their guard, you get the idea. Well, what if EON are sitting on their arches, twiddling their thumbs for a very real purpose?!

“EON Productions executive staff training”

One not need to look too hard at the current landscape of the film industry to see it is in an absolute state. Incessant labor disputes and extreme political agendas being pushed. Just look at where Star Wars is at this point. They’re much more concerned with the sexual orientation of the actors than bothering to tell a compelling story. The latest offering, produced by none other than Harvey Weinstein’s former personal assistant, features a set of “non-binary” twins immaculately conceived by a communal coven of lesbian space witches! 

“Lo, and Kathleen Kennedy so loved the world she bestowed upon it her many they/them!” 

And now that very same assistant to a predator and destroyer of franchises has her eye set on Bond!:

On top of that, Hollywood have also instituted racial quotas for cast and crew! Yes, that’s right they’re foisting “equity” on everything right down to the catering! Look I’m in no way against giving people of all walks of life a chance, but quotas are never the answer, they invariably devolve in to one of two results, the handful of “key grips of color” already in the industry are going to get all the work, or underqualified neophytes will be thrust into the fore where they will be ill prepared and fail from the pressure. This “lack of equity” didn’t occur overnight so you’re not going to fix it that way. They’re simply painting a thin veneer over a severely cracked facade. If Hollywood and other industries were serious about giving the underserved a helping hand, they’d go into these communities and start uplifting them when they’re young. Giving them opportunities to learn and grow and get in on the ground floor early. Think of it like a garden, if you want some lush red roses you plant the right seed, nourish and tend them until they flourish and bloom. What you don’t do is take a red paint brush to a yellow rose bush, the flowers will look terrible and the shrub will wither and die.

So gardening analogies aside, how does one make a Bond film in that climate? Even the most watered down milquetoast of Bonds would be lambasted by the industry as too “fill in the blank” if EON tried to be even incidentally close to the core character.  

Now throw Amazon into the mix, lead by a real life Bond villain!

I see the strong family resemblance!

What conditions are they demanding? Where do they want to take Bond in this brave new world? Could EON be dragging their feet in an effort to outlast them? We’ve seen what happened when Amazon took a crack at the Lord Of The Rings franchise. Queen Galadriel was turned from an ethereal giver of wisdom into a warrior princess who handily kills “Ice Trolls” and becomes the living embodiment of Bevis when she rides a horse. 

Now you can’t unsee it!

Amazon’s potential meddling was one concern I shared with John Logan in this article I wrote three years ago (how time flies!) where he carries EON’s water right after the purchase of MGM. However, while I agreed the meddling would be problematic I differed on why. Especially since EON had been meddling with the character on their own for years.

The new “007” 

Which, having said all that causes me to ask, what if it were the other way around? What if it were Amazon who want to put out a back to basics bog standard Bond film with a proper Bondish actor like Cavil and EON’s foot dragging is due to their desire to continue “shaking things up?”

Remember this was over a decade ago!

A small part of me still wonders if EON are trying to go ahead with an Agent Nomi 007 rebooted “Bond” and are just biding their time until the heat from No, Time To Die tamps down? Probably not, but I suppose only time will tell.

No, Time To Die 2: Nomi, Time To Die Harder

Anyhow, while we’re on the subject of laziness, you’ve probably noticed it’s been quite awhile since I last posted. Obviously as the subject of this article suggests there isn’t much to report and as I stated before in previous articles my heart is less and less into the franchise as it slips further and further away from it’s core. But those hurtles have been at issue before and I have plenty of ideas for articles not involving current events, I’m just not finding the energy to sit down and write nowadays. And I think I figured out why, we can lay the blame squarely at the feet of Amazon.

In the past I would experience a rush of enthusiasm when one of the simi-annual Bond marathons would come on the television. Of course I own all the films on DVD…

…well almost all of them…

…and I would recommend you do the same since streaming services are constantly removing the availability of films despite your “purchase” of them.

Anyway back to the subject at hand, there’s just something about the films airing on television organically, “Oh hey Bond is on, guess I know what I’ll be doing this weekend!”

“GOOOOOLDFINGAAAAA“

Once energized by my Bond fix I would plop right down and knock out an article. Now that Amazon controls the films they don’t air on broadcast T.V. any more, obviously Amazon wants you streaming them on their service instead. However as I said, it’s that organic finding of the films on air that causes fans to stop and watch. The lack of that I think is what may ultimately kill the series. My theory as to why the franchise has lasted far beyond it’s “sell by date” has been these broadcasts. I’ve seen innumerable interviews, most notably Mike Myers when discussing inspiration for Austin Powers and his father’s love for Bond, stating he was introduced to and fell in love with the series through watching these marathons with family during the holidays.

Can’t find the footage I’m thinking of, but he briefly touches on it here.

You see, my theory is as follows, the older generation who love the movies tune in to the holiday marathons to enjoy. The films are generally tame enough to watch with the younger members of the family, the younger ones enjoy the family time and memories made while watching. The children will grow and in turn grow away from the series for about 10-15 years coming and going from it as they pursue newer sleeker fare. Those memories will invariably come flooding back, perhaps when looking for something to watch with their children at Christmas and low and behold the cycle repeats. At the same time, maybe there’s a new Bond film coming out soon, “Hey let’s amble on down to the cinema to check it out!”

And Barbera Broccoli makes enough money to buy a small country! 

However, those days may be coming to an end now that one has to plan ahead to watch Bond, that and the fact it will take more than a half decade or so between films. So essentially one more new film for this generation of potential fans at this pace and without the free to air film marathons to keep interest going. Will Bond survive this dearth of content? Perhaps, but I think the die is cast.

The No, Time To “Die” perhaps?