Ah, the old Saturday Night Live “Celebrity Jeopardy” skit, who knew there were people out there taking it deadly serious?
I had intended to crawl back under my rock/parent’s basement until the next “Bond” film No Time To Die premiered, if it premiered rather, then comment on the film. At least that was the plan until…
What is it with EON Productions and their fetish for people who hate their films? Dan Craig tells anyone who will stand still long enough how much he hates Bond and Christoph Waltz thinks Bond films are nothing more than Punch and Judy shows.
New footage of Christoph waltz’ performance in No Time To Die!
Now, current francize director Cary “Here comes the funk, gotta have the” Fukunaga claims Connery’s Bond was nothing more than a common rapist! I’ll address those claims in a moment, first I need to ask, what the bloody hell are you thinking old boy?! Even if you honestly believe this to be true, you have to admit slagging off the most beloved incarnation of the 60 year old film series you are currently promoting, just a mere week before your own film’s release is absolute insanity. Especially when that film needs to make nearly a billion dollars just to break even!
You have to wonder what kind of intellectually stunted individual would do such a thing?
“Growing up “in a very liberal, progressive bubble” prepared him to study history at the University of California Santa Cruz and political science in France during a year-abroad program.”
Ah there it is! U.C. Santa Cruz is so leftist it makes U.C. Berkeley¹ look like Oral Roberts University²! The only thing living in a bubble prepares you for is continued life in that bubble. I don’t imagine the Amish people in the United States are very adept at anything but barn raising and butter churning.
Electricity is the devil Zebadiah!
The only way you could believe this is a good way to promote your film is to be locked within that bubble. “Hey, those old films you love so much? Yeah, the outdated takes on the old “playing hard to get” trope they use? That makes them full of rape!”
What Madam Broccoli doesn’t seem to understand or doesn’t give a toss about is every time she says something like “(Bond) developed some rather distasteful pastimes but those have now receded into the past.” Or when one of her flunkies du jour rag on the pervious incarnations of Bond, she is essentially slapping her father in the face! Every complaint about the classic, cinematic Bond can be laid directly at Cubby Broccoli’s feet, sure Harry Saltzman had a say in the early films but Cubby had to at least co-sign whatever Harry came up with. When you critique Bond in such a way you aren’t criticizing the man, he doesn’t exist. You aren’t criticizing Fleming, many of the films bear little to no resemblance to the literary source material. No, when you slam Bond from Dr. No to Goldeneye you are attacking Cubby Broccoli’s personal vision for the character. In doing this, Barbara is essentially Electra King from The World Is Not Enough, committing patricide while prattling on about her “family’s legacy.”
“Take that dad, I mean Mr. Bond!”
Of course all this nonsense is couched in the #timesup, #metoo movements. For those who forgot, or may not have known (it all happened so fast), the #timesup movement began in an attempt to hold the powerful in Hollywood accountable for their abuse of performers with their casting couches, etc., hence “times up for abuse.” The #metoo movement followed suit attempting to give a voice to other victims in the studio system to come forward and be heard, as in; “me too, I also was abused.”
I’ve really got to hand it to Hollywood, how quickly and adeptly they were able to slip the surly bounds of this movement organized to expose the abuse rampant in the entertainment industry and shift the narrative off of their very real abuse and molestation and twist it to implicate fictional characters and the fans who love them! Here’s none other than Barbara Broccoli, quoted in the Vanity Faire puff piece above parroting the narrative:
“I think people are coming around (the fans)— with some kicking and screaming — to accepting that stuff is no longer acceptable (fun escapist films). Thank goodness.”
Harry Houdini couldn’t have done it any better!
For my next trick…
If you doubt this movement was co-opted, then you believe the entirety of abuse in the entertainment industry over the past 40 years was committed by:
And One Pudding Salesman.
Not to mention, way back in the dark ages of 2009, these same people who have no compunction about excoriating you for enjoying fictional characters, actually signed a petition urging the release of noted statutory rapist Roman Polanski!
“What can I say I likes ’em young.”
Then the French version of the Oscars turn around and hand the guy an award… in 2020! Yes, there was a bit of a backlash, but again I point out this was LAST YEAR!
Of particular interest to our discussion, one of the signatories on that petition was Monica Bellucci the first “Bond Woman,” more in a moment.
“How dare you NOT approve of grown men having relations with 13 year olds!”
Our supposed “betters” in Hollywood who preach self-righteousness while committing all manner of heinous acts need to learn they may be better at playing make pretend, better at making music, better at framing through a lens, or better looking, but they are NOT better than we the people!
Let’s take a look at what director Funkenstein actually had to say:
“Is it Thunderball or Goldfinger where basically Sean Connery’s character rapes a woman?” said Fukunaga. “She’s like ‘No, no, no,’ and he’s like, ‘Yes, yes, yes.’ That wouldn’t fly today.”
First of all Care Bear, you can’t be bothered to know exactly which film you’re accusing of rape? Not only are you making some serious accusations here, but you’re also the latest director of this series, you should at least have a working knowledge of the material!
Obviously a man who knows his Bond!
I will admit the two classic scenes we will be discussing are “problematic” especially when viewed in a vacuum and through the prism of 55 years of progress as the author at the Guardian does in their article:
“a scene in 1965’s Thunderball in which Connery’s Bond forcibly kisses a nurse (played by Molly Peters) who has spurned his advances. In a later scene, Bond suggests he will keep quiet about information that could cost her her job if she sleeps with him. “I suppose my silence could have a price,” he says. Peter’s character backs away, saying: “You don’t mean … oh, no,” before Bond replies “Oh, yes”, pushes her into a sauna and takes off her clothes.”
To begin I won’t defend the early kiss Bond steals from Physiotherapist Patricia Fearing (Pat), other than to say I believe this was meant to establish she is inundated by advances from the male clientele but she wants none of it, it is Bond’s charisma and charm that wears her down, culminating in the scene the Guardian so coldly describes.
To the scene in question: Bond has just survived an attempt on his life from Count Lippe when he turned the machine Bond was strapped on up to a dangerous level. Pat arrives and switches it off just in time, as Bond disembarks the machine he makes an off hand remark “Someone’s going to wish today had never happened.” Pat mistakes this comment as pertaining to her as she is unaware of the attempt on Bond’s life, “You wouldn’t tell Dr. Wain, would you?” Bond coyly responds, “Well, I suppose my silence could have a price.” We know Bond wouldn’t tell on her, especially since she did nothing wrong, but of course she doesn’t know that so some consideration must be given to that, but I don’t think she cared. Look at how the rest of the scene plays out, Pat playfully says “You don’t mean…oh no”
Which she says with a grin so wide it would make the Cheshire cat jealous!
Bond responds “Oh, yes.” as Pat willfully and intentionally backs herself into the sauna in order to begin their tryst. Bond does remove her clothes but you can see even trough the thick steam this is entirely consensual. Follow this up with the subsequent scene wherein Pat is absolutely aching for the touch of Bond’s mink glove!
She looks utterly tortured!
Let’s juxtapose this scene with another shower scene from the series, one which was made at a time when the producers should have “known better.” Of course I’m talking about the Craig-Bond’s treatment of Severine in Skyfall.
To begin with, we’re told by the Craig-Bond himself she was an underaged victim of human trafficking, having been “found” by Silva at the tender age of 14 in the Hong Kong bordello to which she was enslaved. This means she had been forced into prostitution at an even earlier age! If the actor is playing Severine at her actual age at the time of filming, that means she spends the next 20 years as Silva’s unwilling moll. How does the Craig-Bond treat this woman? He makes empty promises, accosts her in the shower and stands back letting her die.
I hear the Jaws theme play in my head every time I see this scene start.
Doesn’t exactly look happy to have her body used yet again for a man’s pleasure!
Watch the scene play out for full effect, she jumps in shock when he begins to help himself.
Follow this up with the later scene where he just stands there and watches her murder before quipping what a waste of scotch it was:
“Um, yeah, Benny you ignorant fool, Bond had like a gun to his head, so like, he couldn’t do anything!”
Yes he did, look carefully and you’ll see he still has that gun to his head when he finally decides to act, nothing changes in his situation other than the fact this poor woman is dead.
Gun still to head as he finally decides to take action.
Of course the Guardian has to also touch upon the “roll in the hay” scene from Goldfinger:
“One key scene in Goldfinger features Connery’s Bond apparently forcing himself on Honor Blackman’s Pussy Galore in a haybarn.”
They actually restricted this scene on YouTube!
As if I needed to remind you all, Bond is in Goldfinger’s custody and expended all of his options to contact Leiter or MI6. Pussy Galore, takes Bond on a stroll around ol’ Auric’s stud farm to convince the CIA he does not need any assistance. They happen upon a hay barn and Bond enters. Pussy follows and tries to coax him back out, at this point Bond attempts one last maneuver, perhaps he can appeal to Pussy’s “maternal instinct,” they had after all been enjoying several adversarial yet flirtatious interactions, Bond tries to get physical but Pussy, who’s quite capable of handling herself throws him on his ass. He replies with a trip, she attempts an arm hold, but Bond counters and tosses her to the hay. Bond sits down beside her when she attempts a kick, which he blocks and positions himself above her, using his body weight he lowers himself upon Pussy until their lips meet, she resists at first, but quickly relents and embraces him, returning his passions with just as much enthusiasm.
To be honest I don’t care too much for this scene, I know what the producers were trying to accomplish with it, but feel it could have been handled better. The only defense I offer is to point out Pussy proved herself Bond’s match in Judo, plus she could have easily called out to the scores of guards patrolling the area for help, not to mention we don’t know how much farther Bond would have taken this gambit had she not relented so fast.
That was in 1964, compare that with another scene from Nu-EON Productions’ SPECTRE in 2015 and the treatment of “Bond Woman” and molestation apologist Monica Bellucci’s Widow Sciarra.
Hungry like the wolf.
After interrupting an assassination attempt of this woman, the Craig-Bond pours two glasses of Bollinger champagne™ and approaches the grieving widow. She asks if he killed her husband, he confirms he did. She rightfully slaps him, which prompts him to violently throw the glasses to the ground and back her up to a mirror. When she condemns his murder of her husband Craig-Bond says he was a man she hated, something he also said to her at a funeral earlier, yet was never in any way shape or form established in this film. For all anyone knows they could have had a very loving relationship, twisted, but loving. As he presses the woman against the mirror the Craig-Bond begins mouthing her like a suffocating large mouth bass (or as this is Craig, perhaps foul mouth is more fitting) and grilling her for info on her late husband’s organization. That’s when something bizarre happens (5:20 time stamp on video above):
A tear begins to form…
down her cheek.
Funny thing, on close inspection that tear looks CGI, to wit if it is, they very much intended it to be there!
So here we have the Craig-Bond using violence to terrify an already frightened woman who just survived a murder attempt, then forcibly pins her to a mirror while making heretofore unwanted sexual advances upon her, which cause her to cry!
How is this better than Goldfinger?!
I guess what I’m saying is, the old scenes aren’t perfect nor the new ones “full of rape.” But if you take umbrage with the old ones and totally ignore the new, then you my friend are a sociopath and should seek professional help from a team of…
Took it full circle!
Update: It seems the shoe is on the other foot for Cary Funkycoldmadena, according to that article Cary tried to pester and actress to appear nude in an episode of Funksoulbrother’s HBO program True Detective. To paraphrase Care Bear’s own words:
Thunderball or Goldfinger True Detective where, like, basically Sean Connery’s character Director Cary Fukunaga (mentally) rapes a woman? She’s like ‘No, no, no,’ and he’s like, ‘Yes, yes, yes.’ That would n’t fly today (on his sets).”
The irony is too delicious!
¹ The University of California Berkeley is a “progressive” college campus located in the city of Berkeley California perhaps the most “progressive” city outside of Pyongyang, North Korea.
² Oral Roberts University is a Christian evangelical college founded by noted televangelist Oral Roberts.