{"id":3633,"date":"2021-12-18T22:34:50","date_gmt":"2021-12-18T22:34:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/danielcraigisnotbond.com\/index\/?p=3633"},"modified":"2022-01-07T02:10:39","modified_gmt":"2022-01-07T02:10:39","slug":"no-time-to-digest-part-10-psycho-therapy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/danielcraigisnotbond.com\/index\/blog\/2021\/12\/18\/no-time-to-digest-part-10-psycho-therapy\/","title":{"rendered":"No Time To Digest: Part 10, Psycho-Therapy"},"content":{"rendered":"\r\n

\"\"<\/p>\r\n

“Zo Mister Craig, show me on ze doll vhere ze bad producer touched you.”<\/strong><\/p>\r\n

No, no, no, not therapy\u00a0for<\/span> psychos, I’m talking about therapy by<\/span> psychos! Both Satin Safin and Bro-feld probe the mental faculties of their conversation partners!<\/p>\r\n

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Hannibal SPECTRE<\/strong><\/p>\r\n

Let’s see, where were we, last time we witnessed the Craig-Bond, Moneypenny and the MI6 Quartermaster, who recently revealed he puts the “Q” in LGBTQ+, discuss the one person allowed to talk to the Craig-Bond’s lost foster brother Bro-feld who is, or should I say was, the head of an international crime syndicate. The Craig-Bond asked who this individual was, prompting the other two to awkwardly glance at each other. Jump to Madeline Swann, remember her? It’s been about an hour since we saw her in the flash forward in the flashback that was the pre-title sequence. She’s making her way along the high street to her office. Surely this is simply an interlude, you can’t seriously be telling me she is the one person allowed to speak to the man who controls the evil organization she is supposedly tied to?! I am serious and…<\/p>\r\n

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Swann makes her way to the lobby of her office building where she bumps into her receptionist. Apparently Ms. Swann has a private practice where she plies her psychoanalysis trade. The receptionist informs Swann a new patient is waiting for her in her office and that the gentleman is a bit weird. Swann chastises her employee for the comment because, “You can’t say that.” No, we mustn’t speak ill of genocidal maniacs shan’t we.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\r\n

\"\"<\/p>\r\n

“I’m just a poor misunderstood artist.”<\/strong><\/p>\r\n

We find Rami Malek, viewing him from behind, seated at a table winding a blond hair around his finger and placing it into a handkerchief, nothing foreboding there. When we do see his face we find he has a sickly blue pallor, obviously too much blue dye number one in his diet.<\/p>\r\n

\"\"<\/p>\r\n

My friend, Blueberry Jolly Ranchers are a treat not a lifestyle!<\/strong><\/p>\r\n

Swann has a seat opposite him and they begin an awkward and convoluted dialogue about poisonous plants, gardening and parental death. Satan says he saved a life once and in doing so bound that person to him. That goes over about as well as flatulence in church so he states, “I’m not good at talking about myself, so I brought a memory box.” He hands her a wooden box containing his noh mask from the beginning of the film (which feels like an eternity ago).\u00a0<\/p>\r\n

\"\"<\/p>\r\n

Remarkably well preserved for damaged cardboard 20 years on!<\/strong><\/p>\r\n

So you saved this thing, as what a souvenir? You trudged this thing back home through the frozen wasteland while avoiding the authorities, put it in a box and then held on to it, quietly biding your time for what must be at least two decades?<\/p>\r\n

\"\"<\/p>\r\n

Anyway.<\/strong><\/p>\r\n

Swann is of course visibly shocked by this little memento, Satan Safin makes a comment about her eyes, how when she was under the ice she “needed him” and how she still “needs him.” Huh, how does she need him now? Well I have a theory on that but it’s a bit off topic and now is not the time.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n

\"\"<\/p>\r\n

The real villain of this film.<\/strong><\/p>\r\n

Satan says he needs a “favor” and that she “owes” him, when she states he murdered her mother he retorts that her father “murdered my entire family.” “I need you to visit someone wearing this,” he says, producing a perfume atomizer.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n

\"\"<\/p>\r\n

Germ warfare in an atomizer? Sounds familiar.<\/strong><\/p>\r\n

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She asks why she should do anything for him and he replies, “Because I am willing to kill the person you love most.” She says he can not threaten her because she has already lost everyone she loves. He says that is very sad to hear, but not true.<\/p>\r\n

\"\"<\/p>\r\n

Hmmm.<\/strong><\/p>\r\n

We jump to the Craig-Bond making his way along the river Thames to meet with M. What? Is he not taking meetings in his office anymore? Everyone knows the best place to discuss sensitive information concerning arch criminals and worldwide destruction is out among the public!<\/p>\r\n

\"\"<\/p>\r\n

Perfect, now everyone can hear what great peril the world is in!<\/b><\/p>\r\n

The Craig-Bond questions M’s choice to allow a woman implicated in the organization Bro-feld controls to be his only contact. Let’s take a moment to run down the evidence against Ms. Swann. She convinced the Craig-Bond to visit his dead lover’s grave where, in her absence, an attempt was made on his life. While engaging his assailants one of them refers to her as a “Daughter of SPECTRE,” once he has reconvened with her she gets a message from none other than Bro-feld himself where he congratulates her on a job well done in setting the trap for the Craig-Bond and that her martyrdom will not be in vain. But lets put aside the convoluted foolishness of this film and look at some other exhibits, the reason she is referred to as a daughter of SPECTRE is because she is quite literally the daughter of one of Bro-feld’s top lieutenants! She grew up in this organization, she was also “kidnapped” by SPECTRE in the film of the same name, but for the life of me I can’t remember why, she supposedly had no useful information, it was simply because the Craig-Bond was going to speak with her, could that be a “false flag?” We’re told rather than shown she wants nothing to do with them, but what proof do we have?<\/p>\r\n

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How could you not trust that face?!<\/strong><\/p>\r\n

However M is about to hand wave all of those concerns away with a flourish because that was “five years ago” and “nothing came up since!” Nothing came up, what the bloody hell does that mean? I’m afraid this incarnation of MI6 haven’t been too deft in the background check department, if you’ll recall they allowed a compromised accountant to tag along in Montenegro\u00b9, granny M’s personal bodyguard of 8 years was a Quantum\/SPECTRE agent\u00b2 and the man tapped to lead the new joint MI5-MI6 intelligence agency turned out to be a disciple of Bro-feld as well!\u00b3 But, even if that is true and you haven’t found anything since what about all the evidence in the paragraph above! I’m beginning to suspect the M.I. in MI6 doesn’t stand for Military Intelligence (some say an oxymoron in itself), but rather Massive Incompetence. From now on I’m going to take a page from the crummy little toady in SPECTRE<\/em> and start referring to Ralph Fiennes’ M as M-oron.<\/p>\r\n

\"\"<\/p>\r\n

“You know what M stands for? Moron.” The writers telling us what to expect in the following film.<\/strong><\/p>\r\n

They begin speaking about the Heracles project, which was meant to “save lives, a clear accurate shot every time,” as M-oron put it. So we’re back to the physical vs techno-spying debate again, first broached in Skyfall<\/em> beat to the ground in\u00a0SPECTRE<\/em> and whipped like a deceased equine here. To top it off, in each film it was M-oron who championed the physical approach, defending granny M at the parliamentary hearing on espionage, battling “C” Bro-feld’s toady pictured above, over replacing the double 0 section with satellites and drone strikes, because, “knowing when not to pull a trigger is just as important as knowing when to.” And all the while he was developing this weapon which as we’ll see, once the trigger is pulled there’s no un-pulling it!\u00a0 Still confused as to what this weapon is? Here, let’s allow this mission briefing from 2016 video game Hitman<\/em> tell us how it works:<\/p>\r\n