![\"\"](\"http:\/\/cs411829.vk.me\/v411829184\/a50e\/swwsvEWvxpg.jpg\")
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As Craig wafts to the ground and minces away, MP knocks out a quick Google search from her kitchen table, for Hannes and Franz Oberhauser. Ironically she finds this:<\/p>\n
![\"Image\"](\"http:\/\/vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net\/jamesbond\/images\/7\/77\/Spectre_-_Oberhauser_newspaper_article.jpg\/revision\/latest\/scale-to-width-down\/265?cb=20160307155847\")
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Rather than this:
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![\"Image\"](\"http:\/\/www.nbc.com\/sites\/nbcunbc\/files\/files\/images\/2015\/5\/05\/140207_2723958_Pumping_up_with_Hans_and_Franz_anvver_3.jpg\")
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Is it me or does Oberhauser Sr. look like a Photoshop creation, like a computer drawing of someone who never existed? If so, why? Did EON not want to pay royalties to an actor to use their likeness? And why is it the only photo of him appears to be a mugshot?<\/p>\n
Cut to \u201cC\u201d, addressing what I called the \u201cPan-European Recognizance Video Eavesdropping Recording Tele-monitoring Symposium\u201d (P.E.R.V.E.R.T.S.) in the unofficial novel thread on the forum. Somehow I feel the title still fits.<\/p>\n
C\u2019s droning on about the need for more surveillance, how critical \u201cNine Eyes\u201d is and how imperative it is for them to join. In the midst of this dissertation, Tanner spots a news story about a \u201cStreet race gone wrong\u201d featuring a photo of Craig\u2019s DB10 being fished out of the river. (Chuckle!)<\/p>\n
M leans over to Tanner and makes a catty remark about C\u2019s pet project being an unelected body. C concludes his manifesto, and immediately the committee takes a vote, who says the wheels of democracy turn slowly! The panelists cast their supposedly secret ballot on large screen displays located on their desks, allowing M to spot in full Technicolor glory that South Africa is the lone dissenter in the required unanimous election.<\/p>\n
The chairman announces the vote has failed which prompts M to whisper \u201cDemocracy\u201d. Tanner sends him a text from across the table asking if he was sure Craig was in London.<\/p>\n
Allow me to sidebar and take a moment to address the fact that South Africa was the lone voice of reason. Why was that? Was North Korea unwilling to meet EON\u2019s price for endorsement? South Africa, that bastion of freedom and good will. A country that until very recently practiced rampant racial segregation. Self-loathing Americans love to point out our personal short comings in the arena of race relations, but we got nothing on South Africa! South Africa is a country where Africans are treated as second class citizens on their own continent! And these are the people being portrayed as champions of personal privacy?!<\/p>\n
M jumps on the blower to Q, who is doing some late night tinkering in the lab (now there is a guy who needs to get a life!) Q lies for Craig saying he\u2019s in Chelsea, when in fact according to the smart blood map, he\u2019s in Austria<\/u> looking for you know who!<\/p>\n
Cut to a lone vehicle making it\u2019s was up a twisty snow covered mountain road to the ominous sounds of the film\u2019s score. \u201cAustria\u201d appears at the bottom of the screen, is that really necessary Sammy? We were JUST told Craig was in Austria do we really NEED to be told again what country he\u2019s in, not to mention just minutes ago in the Aston Martin commercial, err I mean chase scene, the plot was advanced when Moneypenny\u00a0told Craig where Mr. White, aka the Pale King, aka cheap plot devise was hiding, Austria!\u00a0What is with Mendes\u2019 incessant need to label every location?<\/p>\n
Smash cut to a lone figure standing in a dingy crossing a fog covered lake, like Washington on the Delaware. It\u2019s Craig looking ridiculous and craggy in a form fitting snow outfit complete with knit cap! Craig makes his way to a rustic yet opulent cabin on the bank of the lake. He\u2019s such an accomplished \u201cBad Ass\u201d he fumbles with his PPK before entering. The interior of the cabin is dark (of course it is, this is a Mendes\u00a0film) abandoned and a shambles. Craig swipes his gloved hand across the arm of a chair and inspects the dust deposited upon his fingers. I don\u2019t know Craig, I think the copious amount of cob webs and funk should have told you the cleaning lady was sacked long ago, the white glove test was quite unnecessary. Craig continues to the kitchen accompanied by creepy mood music when, BOO! Crows come flying around the corner! Boy,\u00a0this film sure is taking me on an emotional roller coaster!<\/p>\n
The crows leave in a crescendo of cackling laughter, probably directed at Craig\u2019s hat. Craig spots a surveillance camera complete with red \u201con\u201d light. He moves down the hall where Craig spots some light coming from the floor, under a mirror, classic hidden door giveaway; good thing MI6 training includes watching every Scooby Doo episode ever! Craig finds the secret latch and pops open the door, leading down a stairway to none other than the Pale King himself! He’s seated in front of a bank of T.V.s and camera monitors. White was unprepared to meet him, no weapon, not on his feet, or even\u00a0facing the door, what\u2019s the point of all the security if you\u2019re not even bothered to defend yourself? White says \u201cMake it quick\u201d Craig replies \u201con your feet\u201d.<\/p>\n
Craig and White make their way to a table where the men sit opposite each other at a dusty chessboard, OH THE SYMBOLISM! White looking like he\u2019s been lost on a desert isle for decades says \u201cI always knew death would wear a familiar face, but not yours.\u201d Which is ironic as Craig\u2019s pasty, stark white pallor looks like the reaper\u00a0incarnate. Craig informs White SPECTRE is looking to kill him, which shouldn\u2019t come as a surprise to White, as he\u2019s in such deep hiding for just that reason. White tells Craig he found \u201cThallium\u201d in his phone\u00a0(I assume this is some sort of radioactive substance),\u00a0which is killing him. So SPECTRE is such a thorough organization, they poison a man by sabotaging his cell phone then send an assassin to find and murder him? Talk about belt and suspenders! Throughout this exchange the men slide the mystical SPECTRE ring back and forth across the dusty chessboard,just to sledge hammer the symbolic point home!<\/p>\n
Craig asks what White did to incur the ire of Blowy, White says he disobeyed him; He \u201cFollowed him as far as he could, but he (Blofeld) changed\u201d. He changed how? Did he go from an unhinged, psychotic, sociopath bent on world domination, to a slightly more unhinged, psychotic, sociopath bent on world domination? And I guess that was just a little too much for you eh, Whitey? Perhaps it was Blofeld’s\u00a0newly found penchant for white Persian cats that drove him away, “He knew I was allergic, but he kept on petting Mr. Whiskers, right in front of me!”<\/p>\n
Craig asks White where Blowers is and White tells him \u201cHe\u2019s EVERYWHERE! Sitting at your desk, kissing your lover, eating with your family!\u201d How existential! So Craig\u2019s trying to find Blofeld? Why not kill another one of his henchmen and attend the funeral? Call Felix and have the widow Sciarra tell you when the next meeting is, since she seems to know all this stuff? Craig comes to the realization White is protecting someone.\u00a0How? I don\u2019t know! Just because we said so!<\/p>\n
Craig further deduces that someone is White\u2019s daughter. White states \u201cYou won\u2019t find her, she\u2019s smarter than me, she\u2019s cleaver, she knows how to hide!\u201d we\u2019ll see just what a laugh that statement is later. Craig gives his word to protect the daughter, to which White laughs \u201cYour word, the word of an assassin?\u201d<\/p>\n
Let me sidebar here for a moment. Ever since Casino Royal EON has been pushing this \u201cBond is an assassin\u201d B.S. I don\u2019t know about you, but I never saw Bond as an “assassin”, he killed men in the line of duty sure, but never as a matter of course, his orders never\u00a0were\u00a0\u201cGo kill Mr. X\u201d. Bond has always been an investigator, CDR. Strangways goes missing Bond is sent to investigate, nuclear bombs are stolen Bond investigates, a\u00a0submarine disappears Bond investigates, you get the picture. However since the reboot we\u2019ve been constantly told Bond is some sort of cold calculating killer, he’s a governmental\u00a0mafia type hitman, despite never getting orders to assassinate!\u00a0In fact Craig has never gotten orders of any kind, as he\u2019s always found an excuse to go rogue!<\/p>\n
Back to the plodding plot advancement. Craig produces his pistol and slides it across the chessboard to White. Stating \u201cThat\u2019s my word.\u201d (Check?) White picks it up awkwardly cocks it with both hands\u00a0(being an accomplished assassin he knows the best way to ready a PPK is with the middle of his two thumbs). (Counter Check?) White points the pistol at Craig in what is supposed to be a tense dramatic move, but falls well short of the mark. After an extremely pregnant pause White lowers the gun and says \u201cL\u2019American\u201d, \u201cShe knows L\u2019American, she can lead you to L\u2019American\u201d, \u201cTry the Hoffler clinic\u201d, and then delivers the line we\u2019ve all been waiting for\u2026 \u201cYou\u2019re a kite dancing in a hurricane Mr. Bond\u201d, (Check Mate!) before shooting himself, I can sympathize, after watching that scene and hearing that corny line I wanted to shoot myself too. You\u2019ll want to commit seppuku as well when I tell you we are one whole hour in and still have one and a half left to go, yes we have an entire Quantum Of Solace left in this movie!<\/p>\n
Craig flinches when the shot is fired cuz he\u2019s such a bad ass, cold blooded assassin, picks up the one ring and his pistol, while closing the dead man\u2019s eyes, what an exposition of the character\u2019s duality! He tosses his friend in a dumpster one movie, then gently closes the eyes of a terrorist in another.\u00a0Craig rifles through White\u2019s pockets looking for clues, to what I\u2019m not sure, when he finds a poorly photo shopped, sepia tone picture of a little girl and a bearded man whom I assume is supposed to be White, the photo quality is that bad, I can\u2019t tell who is supposed to be in it. (I\u2019m starting to detect a theme here with the photographic special effects) Craig takes the photo and leaves, he takes the time to rifle through the man\u2019s pockets, but doesn\u2019t think to check the rest of the house, maybe that little command center where he found White in the first place? Maybe take the surveillance tapes? He\u2019s going to wish he did a little later.<\/p>\n
Cut to M and C in the new \u201cSurveillance Center\u201d, C telling M, how it\u2019s all been funded by private \u201cbenefactors\u201d, since when do private entities fund government espionage agencies? M and C share some stilted dialog about George Orwell and looking over everyone\u2019s shoulder, before C plays a tape containing Moneypenny\u00a0and Craig\u2019s conversation which took place during the chase. Now correct me if I\u2019m wrong but didn\u2019t that conversation take place on the cell phone Craig gave Moneypenny before leaving, so this precise thing wouldn\u2019t happen? Was Craig so stupid as to not get a burner phone for himself and instead call her on his own? C makes a comment about M\u2019s inability to control his agents (Burn!), I in turn can’t control my gag reflex.<\/p>\n
Cut back to Mr. White\u2019s cabin in the woods, where a man is skulking around his body, which is being devoured by the crows from earlier. It’s Mr. Hinx, come to accomplish his task, but finds he\u2019s been beaten to it. Hinx spots the security camera and unlike Craig he\u2019s smart enough to check the tape…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
As Craig wafts to the ground and minces away, MP knocks out a quick Google search from her kitchen table, for Hannes and Franz Oberhauser. Ironically she finds this: Rather than this: Is it me or does Oberhauser Sr. look like a Photoshop creation, like a computer drawing of someone who…<\/p>\n