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After the titles we find our intrepid hero seated in M\u2019s office getting a real blowing up. M takes 30 seconds to lay out the plot line involving the merger of MI5 and 6 including the fact the 00 section is on the chopping block (AGAIN!!!), as well as inform us the new head of this joint venture will be arriving shortly. Craig\u2019s smarmy response is \u201cYou\u2019re right sir; you do have a tricky day ahead.\u201d As if what M does is unimportant, you know running Her Majesty\u2019s Intelligence Service is somehow akin to a barista at Starbucks. None of the previous Bonds showed such disdain and disrespect to their supervisor, they all displayed\u00a0respect and reverence even when in disagreement, but it’s the 21st century, so in your face old man!<\/p>\n
M asks once again what Craig was doing in Mexico, to which he replies \u201cI was on a much overdue holiday.\u201d M rightfully grows tired of this insolence and tells Craig he\u2019s being suspended indefinitely and must report to Q branch in the morning. My question is why? We\u2019ll find out next rant it\u2019s to get his \u201csmart blood\u201d. But my question still stands, why? He\u2019s been taken out of service. He\u2019s \u201con the beach\u201d as they say, why is he getting shot up with Nano Bots and issued new equipment? He should be turning in what he has already, right then and there, placing it on M’s desk and slowly backing away, not loading up on more of Her Majesty’s best and most expensive gear!<\/p>\n
Craig stands up and clumsily buttons his suit jacket and over coat, why is he wearing an overcoat in the office? Maybe MI6 needed to cut its heating bill to cover the costs of Craig\u2019s cock ups. Funny thing about Craig\u2019s overcoat, it fits like a suit jacket should, that illustrates just how tight his suits are, he\u2019s wearing several layers of skin tight apparel and it looks like just one layer of properly tailored clothing.<\/p>\n
Just then Andrew Scott as Max Denbigh walks in through a cloud of sulfuric smoke, wearing a \u201ckick me I\u2019m evil\u201d sign, at least he might as well be, as he\u2019s so obviously on the wrong side. Not to mention Scott\u2019s career has been so pigeon holed as the baddie he\u2019s begun growing feathers, by that I\u2019m referring to the Don Johnsonesq 5-o\u2019clock shadow he\u2019s sporting. I guess the head of the joint surveillance services doesn\u2019t have time to shave, or perhaps he\u2019s just a huge Miami Vice fan. Craig and he exchange pleasantries about Max\u2019s promotion and Craig says \u201cI suppose I should call you C now\u201d. Why is that? As we’ve established in earlier films, including the one just previous, the letter moniker of the service head is their initial. This guy\u2019s name is M<\/u>ax D<\/u>enbigh, unless I\u2019m horribly mistaken, neither one of those names begin with a C.<\/p>\n
\u201cC\u201ds role in this film, when he\u2019s not foaming at the mouth with villainy, is to play the parts of the Intelligence Committee, Gareth Mallory, and smarmy Q from Skyfall, that is to say those who feel MI6 and more specifically the 00 section are antiquated and useless, and that cameras and drones are the future. (More on this in future rants.)<\/p>\n
Craig exits and runs in to Moneypenny in the courtyard. She\u2019s holding a box that contains all that remained from Skyfall. Which is impossible as the box is far too small to hold Sam Mendes\u2019 ego. Craig tells her to bring it to him later at his apartment. To which she makes a puzzled face. LOL, get it, it\u2019s funny because he could have taken it from her right there!<\/p>\n
Later we find Craig forlornly staring out his curtainless, floor to ceiling windows, whiskey in hand and in full view of all who pass by, with suit jacket off but shoulder holster still on. I guess all of his neighbors already know he carries a gun… In London… Where it’s illegal to do so… Moneypenny comes in, notices the sparse untidy conditions and asks \u201cHave you just moved in?\u201d Craig replies \u201cNo.\u201d LOL, get it, cause it\u2019s so shabby! James Bond is the quintessential gentleman, we first see Bond\u2019s flat in Dr. No, and it\u2019s tastefully decorated with green walls and pictures of turn of the century era antique cars on the walls. In Live and Let Die, Bond\u2019s flat is well appointed, complete with a fancy coffee making machine; he is not an 80\u2019s movie cop like Dirty Harry, John McClain, and Axle Foley living in squalor, with bare walls of cracked plaster and old take out packages littered about.<\/p>\n
She asks him what was going on in Mexico, he plays coy, and she remarks \u201cThey say you\u2019re finished\u201d he asks \u201cWhat do you think?\u201d She says \u201cI think you\u2019re just getting started\u201d What banter! Craig finally reveals the video from Mamma M after Moneypenny claims he doesn\u2019t trust anyone, how expositional!<\/p>\n
M\u2019s exact words are in their entirety; \u201cIf anything happens to me, I need you to find a man called Marco Sciarra, kill him and don\u2019t miss the funeral.\u201d I write that verbatim because it begs a question in the funeral rant.<\/p>\n
After Moneypenny leaves, Craig opens the box she delivered. Inside he finds a badly C.G.I.ed sepia tone photo that looks to have been taken in 1926 despite the inclusion of a familiar craggy faced youngster produced by said C.G.I. Also another man who based on the cartoonish quality of the effects, looks to have never existed in the real world and a third figure whose face has been removed by a strategically placed perfectly round hole. This photo makes me wonder if maybe it was created on take your child to work day at the special effects department\u00a0and the artist let his seven year old have a go at it. The box also contains the temporary guardianship letter giving young Master James Bond to Hans Oberhauser. Now correct me if I\u2019m wrong but hadn\u2019t Skyfall manor been sold when the intrepid trio destroyed it last film? So why were Craig\u2019s personal papers and childhood photos lying about? I would have loved to have read the real estate listing on that!<\/p>\n
For sale: Medieval Scottish castle set upon a brown dreary moor with a well-lit secret tunnel. Listing includes all furnishings, rugs, tapestries and adoption papers. Inquire with Kinkaid the crusty old game keeper. (Who I thought was the one who supposedly raised him as alluded to in SkyFall. Oh well why let all that get in the way of another forced, contrived, personal anguish, origin story line.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
After the titles we find our intrepid hero seated in M\u2019s office getting a real blowing up. M takes 30 seconds to lay out the plot line involving the merger of MI5 and 6 including the fact the 00 section is on the chopping block (AGAIN!!!), as well as inform us the new head…<\/p>\n