March 9, 2006
Eyebrowless Bond Giving 115 Percent
The makers of the next James Bond film have gone on the defensive. Having read
the reports questioning their choice of fair-haired, tooth-impaired Daniel Craig for the
title role, Casino Royale producers organized a press junket on the set, that
reporters may gaze upon Craig's rugged yet dashingly appropriate good looks and
ease with a hand weapon. Craig himself dismissed all those pesky rumors:
Yes, Craig did lose or chip a tooth during filming in Prague, but it did not stop
production, the actor told reporters. No, he did not suffer from excruciating heat rash
in the Bahamas. And of course, an Englishman is perfectly capable of driving a
manual gear car.
"You go mad if you believe any of it (the criticism)," Craig, 38, told reporters on
Wednesday after distributor Sony Pictures Entertainment Co. and producers EON
Productions invited journalists to the Bahamas movie set to counter some of the
Internet and newspaper nattering.
"I've been trying to give 110 percent from the beginning and maybe after that (the
criticism), I was trying to give 115 percent," he said. "But I mean, I'm giving
everything I can."
Accompanying the Reuters report are some exclusive set photos, including one of
Craig with a firm double-handed grip on Bond's trademark Walther pistol. Enter then
what is perhaps the greatest villain in Bond history: Not Blofeld, nor Goldfinger, but
CraigNotBond.com, the website whose raison d'etre appears to be to vaporize
Craig, if not off the face of the Earth, at least off the face of the franchise:
"NEW 007 DANIEL CRAIG IS FIRST BOND WITHOUT EYEBROWS!
...For over forty years women have been thrilled by the eyebrow lifting of Bonds,
particularly Sean Connery, Roger Moore and Pierce Brosnan. A Bond without
eyebrows is a disaster on the level of Austin Powers losing his mojo! Can you
imagine Roger Moore playing Bond on Botox? Of course not!
Fellow Bond fans, we’ve offered plenty of reasons why actor Daniel Craig is wrong
for James Bond, but even we have to admit, this takes the cake. If you agree with us
that James Bond can’t be 007 without his eyebrows, please visit us at www.
CraigNotBond.com to sign our petition and join our boycott of this cinematic disaster-
in-the-making, Casino Royale!"
Clearly, these evil geniuses, drunk on their own power, will stop at nothing–not even
eyebrows. God help MGM's beleagured publicists should these troublemakers get a
glimpse of Craig's bald chest and immediately issue a press release decrying his
very un-Connery obsession with manscaping.