Stalking Bond:
"(Craig) Lacks The
Look of His Predecessors"

Stalking James Bond

A Quest for the "Best Bond" in the Universe

By Lisa Bean

Aug 08 2006

"The name is Bond. James Bond." Oh, how those mere words still turn my knees to
jelly. It is a highly subjective topic of much debate, but we all have a favorite Bond,
well, unless the Bond movies make you want to puke. From what I have seen out of
most people who enjoy the Bond flicks, the Bond they grew up with is the Bond
they prefer.

I grew up in the Roger Moore era, a child of the '70s, and teen of the '80s, and I
would have to say Roger is probably my favorite Bond, despite the fact he has zero
hair on his chest. Some women love the smooth chest, I feel that the Lord never
intended for men to be skinny or hairless. But, for Roger's sake, I could learn to live
with it. I must admit, however, as a child I detested these movies, and thought them
ludicrous. I mean, what mere mortal man could survive plummeting from airplanes,
skiing down extra-long dinner tables with bullets whizzing past his head, and then,
still have the composure as well as desire and energy to engage in sex the other
half of the time? But, I was a child then, and I had no active hormones. My God, how
I wish such a man as Bond existed in my world now.

I can recall during the Summer of '79, how, for many weeks when I would go to 7-11
to get my "Big-Gulp" drink, the usual red, wax cup was replaced by a hard plastic
take-home cup sporting action photos from the movie "Moonraker." I was
unimpressed. I could only look at the photos and think, "why are these girls
interested in this old fart?" It wouldn't be until many years later, when I reached my
late twenties that I would truly appreciate, love, and dream of James Bond.

Though the question of who is/was the best Bond rivals in importance to world
peace, I must admit I have lost no sleep over the subject.
There are many people I
have known through the years who are willing to fight for their Bond of choice, but I
feel we can appreciate all of the Bond men in some form, unless you're talking
about Daniel Craig, the current Bond, who lacks the ability to drive a stick-shift. It is
also my opinion that he lacks the looks of his Bond predecessors, who were all
spectacular examples of manhood.  
But, I haven't seen the new Bond movie yet,
and I'm hoping he will surprise me, and put an end to my doubts. I know I have often
vividly imagined in pornographic detail, scenarios of all the Bond men and yours
truly trapped in an elevator. But, that's another story, ahem.

Sean Connery can be admired as the original Bond we grew to love, although he
wasn't technically the first Bond-David Niven was, in a movie called "Casino
Royale." And oh, God, what a body Sean had! Roger Moore brought humor to the
role, and said once in an interview he thought he must make the role funny,
because to him, the idea of a secret agent going around announcing his name
seemed ridiculous to him. I loved the humor of Roger, as well as the fact he could
be in all the stressful Bond situtations without ever having a hair out of place.

Poor George Lazenby was the most short-lived Bond, and had the horrible task of
trying to fit into Sean's shoes, and no one at the time was willing to accept him. I
think he handled it well, and I found it rather clever how he poked fun at himself
before the opening credits of "On Her Majesty's Secret Service." Remember how he
failed to get the girl the first time in that scene? As she ran away from him on the
beach he turned, and smirked to the camera: "This never happened to the other

I have heard many men describe Timothy Dalton as "the panty-waist Bond," among
other indelicate things, simply because they felt he didn't succeed in bedding as
many girls as the Bonds before him. However, during the late 1980s, AIDS was quite
an issue, and it has been stated that the producers wanted to tone down Bond's
image from a guy who just slept around too much to a somewhat romantic, but it
didn't play too well with a lot of folks. I don't feel Dalton was the best Bond, but I
found him virile and I loved the little "Kirk Douglas" dimple in his chin.

By the time Pierce Brosnan came aboard, I feel Bond returned to his classic roots
as the heavy martini-drinking womanizer that he should be. While reading some of
the Ian Fleming books, Pierce seems the man who closely matches the pictures of
Bond I envisioned in my mind. That and the fact he has an incredible hairy chest
that goes perfect with cream cheese. Hubba-hubba!

So, no matter who you feel best exudes the Bond persona Ian Fleming intended, I
think most of us can find at least something tangible in what these actors
accomplished during their reigns as James Bond. The important thing is not to
break someone's jaw over the fact you think "Dalton is a girly-man," in the tradition
of two of my former co-workers, because it just isn't worth it. Take your time, watch
all the Bond flicks, and let your senses get in touch with your inner Bond.