Debbie Schlussel: I've Seen
Casino Royale & DANIEL

Debbie Schlussel: New Bond . . . James Bond =
Yawn . . . Big Yawn; The Metro-Sexual Bond

By Debbie Schlussel

(NOT Bond Hotness) ****

Just got back from seeing, "Casino Royale," the new
James Bond movie, the 21st installment. My reaction:

Bring back Sean Connery . . . . Bring back Roger Moore .
. . . Bring back George Lazenby . . . . Bring back almost
anybody (but not Timothy Dalton or Pierce Brosnan).
This new dude, Daniel Craig, just doesn't cut it. He's
DULL. No charisma, no charm, no suavity and

Too old and haggard looking. And he's way too thin
(scrawny) and small (hair's too short and ears stick out,
too--like Alfred E. Neuman). Very blah. Not sexy. Nice
eyes, but nothing behind them. Would Sir Ian Fleming
fancy this guy playing Bond? Doubtful.

James Bond is meant to be tall, dark and handsome. Not
small, blonde, and nebbishy. Jeans, a biker shorts
swimsuit? James Bond wouldn't be caught dead in
Daniel Craig's "Casino Royale" everyman mallwear.

And the plot . . . oy. James Bond, MI-6 Secret Agent, is
fighting the enemy in a boring poker game. Puh-leeze.
There's a reason "The World Series of Poker" is not an
action adventure spy movie. It's a yawner.

I predict Daniel Craig will last about as long as Dalton.
As in not very. He's just not hot. Ironically, both leads,
Craig and French Actress Eva Green got had their
biggest roles to date in Islamist movies, he in "Munich"
(playing Steven Spielberg's phony version of a Mossad
agent uttering outrageous statements Mossad agents
would never utter, but in which he, ironically, looked
more like James Bond--beefier and with better hair) and
she in "Kingdom of Heaven."

Gotta say I agree with (the new, female?!) "M"'s line in
the movie: "I miss the Cold War." I do, too. Because
without it, James Bond is boring. And out.

Stay tuned for my complete review when the movie
comes out.


Fave James Bond flick: "On Her
Majesty's Secret Service," starring George Lazenby, the
one and only time he played Bond. Also liked, "From
Russia With Love," "Goldfinger," and "Dr. No."

Fave James Bond: George
Lazenby, with Sean Connery a close second.

Fave James Bond villain: Blofeld
(full name: Ernst Stavro Blofeld), as played by Telly
Savalas (Blofeld was also played by Donald Pleasence
and Max Von Sydow)